Well, I am really excited about this. I should mention I am 58, so I have a bit of a story to tell here. I would like to relate one more thing, before I begin.
I have a 21 year old daughter. I raised her myself. I spent 18 years knowing who I was as mom. I spent most of those years alone, single. Spring of my daughter's senior year, I met a man and became seriously involved for 2 years. I was very much in love. It seemed like a perfect transition from being a mom and my daughter growing up and leaving, to having this wonderful man. Well, things didn't go as I had hoped and planned. The relationship ended, he left me for another woman. Two weeks later, my 20 year old daughter completely cleared out her room of any evidence that she ever existed and left to go to school. There I was in an empty manufactured home. It felt like a living tomb. I was devastated. I was thrown into a intense mid life crisis. Nothing seemed to have any meaning anymore. I was living in Oregon. A good friend in Washington told me, don't be alone, come here. That is what I did. I got rid of almost everything I owned, and sold my place and went to Washington. I didn't last there long, and ended up spending a good part of the next year in a tiny town I used to live in, 10 years before, in Montana. The town has 550 people, who basically are very friendly, and all know each other. I was received with a warm welcome from old friends, and rapidly made lots of new ones. I spent last winter there basically healing from the deep loss of my relationship and trying to adjust to my empty nest. I felt lost and like life had lost it's meaning.
While I was in Montana, I met an older woman who was into metaphysics. I told her my story and present condition. I told her how lost I felt, and how everything that used to matter didn't seem to anymore. She believed that we are born with a purpose, a meaning. And then we live that meaning, until we do it. If we get to that point, and finish it, then we start a second whole new life, with a different purpose and meaning. I don't know if it is really true, but it does feel like I ended life one, with that break up and my daughter growing up. It is like my whole past life fell away. I feel like I might be starting life two. It is difficult. It is totally undefined. I am groping in the dark. It is like I am trying to somehow burst from my cocoon metamorphosed, into I don't know what. I am trying to give birth to my new self, and find out who I am, after losing my identity all these years being mother. ( I adore my child, don't get me wrong).
I am excited about this blog, because I feel like telling my story will be a healing tool of self discovery, to help me re find myself. To help me fully start life two of this life journey I am on. I am so much more healed from the breakup than a year ago. I am beginning to find new life and purpose. I feel like this writing is part of it.
So thank you anyone out there who might be reading this. Thank you for sharing my new adventure. And thank you to all my wonderful friends who have been there for me throughout my life, especially these last trying 1 1/2 years. And thank you all my friends in Montana, Oregon and Washington who have helped me live though it. And also all my friends from throughout my life, that I reconnected with on facebook, and have been a support for me as well through this difficult time. And thank you to my current roommate and friend, for being my friend and being there for me. And especially thank you to my daughter, who loves me no matter what.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
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