After Mick bought the hat, he sat down and started to talk with me. Right away, I felt like he was a guy I could be with. It kind of seemed like love at first sight, for me anyway. We started talking, and he asked me where I lived. I said I was staying in Northport, Washington with some friends. He asked me, "Do you know my brother Will, he lives there?" I say, "Yeah, I live on the same land as him and I am here because he told me about it". Small world.
To make a long story short we all ended hanging out all weekend together. Me, Mick and the two woman set up by me. We had a grand time. The woman who I didn't know from before, knew Mick already, and they spent sometime talking. I think she was a psychic. He told me later that she told him if he was looking for a woman I was the one. When she left she told us that the next time she saw us she wanted to see our baby girl with my hair and eyes and his features. That is what happened!
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
This is me now
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
I Meet Mick
On our way home we decided to stop at my cabin, to check in on it. That was a good idea, because it turned out the land had been sold, and all my possessions had been boxed up and put in the shed. I think I just took them and stored them at a neighbors for a while. Then we headed back to Northport.
We got back to Alyssa's and Kindheart's place. I need to mention that we weren't the only ones staying on this land. Kindheart's ex wife, her new husband Will, and their baby were there too, as well as Kindheart's two little kids who came with us on our trip. Shortly after I got back, Will comes up to me and tells me I ought to go to a barter faire they are having in Idaho, about 3 hours away. I decide to go.
I got to the barter faire after I got a speeding ticket a few minutes before. I was going 45 in a 35 mile zone. I was a little frazzled. I got there, and it was teeny. I had wool hats to sell, and it was about 95 degrees. Plus nobody there looked like the type that would buy my hats anyway. I had 35 dollars to my name, and the ticket was for 35 dollars. I thought "What the heck am I doing here? I shouldn't have come." I told the woman next to me all my problems. I said I thought I was just going to go. She told me I needed to slow down, look I already got a speeding ticket for going too fast. And beside she was selling all woolens too, and she was here. So I stayed.
Besides the woman with the woolens, I was set up next to two woman on the other side of me, one of which I already knew, and was friends with from festivals and had even been to her house, here in Idaho.
So it was 95 degrees, and I set out my hats and some heavy wool socks I had knitted. It seemed pretty hopeless for sales, and even hopeless for fun. Then here he comes. The only prospective customer in the place. A organic looking hippie guy, who is just the type to buy my hats. I think " This is my only hope of ever making a sale. I have to nab him.". He comes over to my stuff and I was right. He picks up the pair of heavy socks and takes off his sock and boots. I tell him he can try them on, and he says "Oh that's ok, but I'll look at your hats." He ended up buying one of my nicest handspun hats and gave me a five dollar tip. This is how I met Mick, the father of my child.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
We got back to Alyssa's and Kindheart's place. I need to mention that we weren't the only ones staying on this land. Kindheart's ex wife, her new husband Will, and their baby were there too, as well as Kindheart's two little kids who came with us on our trip. Shortly after I got back, Will comes up to me and tells me I ought to go to a barter faire they are having in Idaho, about 3 hours away. I decide to go.
I got to the barter faire after I got a speeding ticket a few minutes before. I was going 45 in a 35 mile zone. I was a little frazzled. I got there, and it was teeny. I had wool hats to sell, and it was about 95 degrees. Plus nobody there looked like the type that would buy my hats anyway. I had 35 dollars to my name, and the ticket was for 35 dollars. I thought "What the heck am I doing here? I shouldn't have come." I told the woman next to me all my problems. I said I thought I was just going to go. She told me I needed to slow down, look I already got a speeding ticket for going too fast. And beside she was selling all woolens too, and she was here. So I stayed.
Besides the woman with the woolens, I was set up next to two woman on the other side of me, one of which I already knew, and was friends with from festivals and had even been to her house, here in Idaho.
So it was 95 degrees, and I set out my hats and some heavy wool socks I had knitted. It seemed pretty hopeless for sales, and even hopeless for fun. Then here he comes. The only prospective customer in the place. A organic looking hippie guy, who is just the type to buy my hats. I think " This is my only hope of ever making a sale. I have to nab him.". He comes over to my stuff and I was right. He picks up the pair of heavy socks and takes off his sock and boots. I tell him he can try them on, and he says "Oh that's ok, but I'll look at your hats." He ended up buying one of my nicest handspun hats and gave me a five dollar tip. This is how I met Mick, the father of my child.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
The Harmonic Convergence Healing Gathering and Mount Shasta
That summer was the summer of the Harmonic Convergence. It had something to do with the Mayan Calender and a bunch of planets being all lined up. It was supposed to be a special cosmic time for us spiritual seeking types.
Kindheart knew of a healing gathering that was going on down in Southern Oregon to celebrate it, and we decided to go.
I forgot to tell you about healing gatherings. They were the best. They were gatherings we would have out in the woods and the focus was healing. Everybody camped out for the weekend, and the main thing was workshops. There was a big board with workshop times and locations. Anybody could teach a workshop. You just put it on the board for whatever time and place you wanted. It was great. People taught all kinds of things. Besides that we had big Oming circles and Sufi Dancing. Sufi dancing is also called Universal Dances of Peace. It is what it sounds like. You have a teacher, and she teaches you dances from all traditions that are about love and peace. They are usually interactive and wonderful. We also would have a massage area, for people to work on each other, a tea kitchen to go and drink tea and visit, and a big regular kitchen, where all the meals were cooked. we all ate together from the meals prepared in the main kitchen. There was also a sauna and a Native American Sweat Lodge. For me, Healing Gatherings were heaven. They don't have them up north anymore.
Back to the story. So now we were going to go to a special healing gathering for the harmonic convergence. Kind of like double heaven.
So we packed up my trusty van with the three of us, Kindheart's two little kids, and Alyssa's hyper dog and we were on our way. We went to the gathering and that was that. It was nice, but nothing spectacular. Then I guess the thing to do was go to Mount Shasta, which is considered a power spot of the world, to continue on with the speciall energy of the time. So on we went!
When we got to Mount Shasta things did seem more intense. We went up the mountain and spent the night. I was feeling kind of tripped out from the gathering and decided I should go on a fast. So I spent the day wandering around the meadows by myself fasting. Since I was in a kind of natural higher state, I decided to meditate. I sat there and started seeing a woodsy place and a bridge going over a creek. Then I somehow got interrupted. later that day, I tried again. I sat there and saw the same woodsy place, the little bridge and the creek. But this time I saw a man walking over carrying a little child. That was it. It ended there. I kind of felt God had given me a vision, but I didn't know what it meant.
The other interesting thing that happened that day was with Alyssa. Now, you had to know her, but she was interesting any day. She was very sweet and fun, and was convinced that she channeled this entity named Philon, all the time. When she channeled him, she would speak another language out loud to you. Now both Kindheart and I were both pretty level headed, and sometimes we would wonder how she was our best friend, but she was. Not only that, she had been convinced that during the Harmonic Convergence, Philon was going to manifest in physical form and take her away with him. It was a disappointment to her when this didn't happen.
What did happen that day wasn't quite so dramatic, but interesting none the less. That morning Alyssa tells me that she saw rays of light coming out of her finger tips. Nothing that unusual for her. Then we go down the mountain to Mount Shasta Town. I was with her the entire time we were in Mount Shasta, and we hadn't been in the town yet, only on the mountain. We go into this Angel Painting store. The paintings are basically visions people have had of angels and celestial beings. Alyssa and I are looking at the cards of the paintings. I couldn't believe my eyes. There is a painting of a woman who looks exactly like Alyssa. Alyssa was kind of exotic and different looking. And out of the woman in the paintings fingertips are coming rays of light! Maybe it was one of those you had to be there experiences, but I was blown away. Of course I made her get the card. Then we headed home.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
Kindheart knew of a healing gathering that was going on down in Southern Oregon to celebrate it, and we decided to go.
I forgot to tell you about healing gatherings. They were the best. They were gatherings we would have out in the woods and the focus was healing. Everybody camped out for the weekend, and the main thing was workshops. There was a big board with workshop times and locations. Anybody could teach a workshop. You just put it on the board for whatever time and place you wanted. It was great. People taught all kinds of things. Besides that we had big Oming circles and Sufi Dancing. Sufi dancing is also called Universal Dances of Peace. It is what it sounds like. You have a teacher, and she teaches you dances from all traditions that are about love and peace. They are usually interactive and wonderful. We also would have a massage area, for people to work on each other, a tea kitchen to go and drink tea and visit, and a big regular kitchen, where all the meals were cooked. we all ate together from the meals prepared in the main kitchen. There was also a sauna and a Native American Sweat Lodge. For me, Healing Gatherings were heaven. They don't have them up north anymore.
Back to the story. So now we were going to go to a special healing gathering for the harmonic convergence. Kind of like double heaven.
So we packed up my trusty van with the three of us, Kindheart's two little kids, and Alyssa's hyper dog and we were on our way. We went to the gathering and that was that. It was nice, but nothing spectacular. Then I guess the thing to do was go to Mount Shasta, which is considered a power spot of the world, to continue on with the speciall energy of the time. So on we went!
When we got to Mount Shasta things did seem more intense. We went up the mountain and spent the night. I was feeling kind of tripped out from the gathering and decided I should go on a fast. So I spent the day wandering around the meadows by myself fasting. Since I was in a kind of natural higher state, I decided to meditate. I sat there and started seeing a woodsy place and a bridge going over a creek. Then I somehow got interrupted. later that day, I tried again. I sat there and saw the same woodsy place, the little bridge and the creek. But this time I saw a man walking over carrying a little child. That was it. It ended there. I kind of felt God had given me a vision, but I didn't know what it meant.
The other interesting thing that happened that day was with Alyssa. Now, you had to know her, but she was interesting any day. She was very sweet and fun, and was convinced that she channeled this entity named Philon, all the time. When she channeled him, she would speak another language out loud to you. Now both Kindheart and I were both pretty level headed, and sometimes we would wonder how she was our best friend, but she was. Not only that, she had been convinced that during the Harmonic Convergence, Philon was going to manifest in physical form and take her away with him. It was a disappointment to her when this didn't happen.
What did happen that day wasn't quite so dramatic, but interesting none the less. That morning Alyssa tells me that she saw rays of light coming out of her finger tips. Nothing that unusual for her. Then we go down the mountain to Mount Shasta Town. I was with her the entire time we were in Mount Shasta, and we hadn't been in the town yet, only on the mountain. We go into this Angel Painting store. The paintings are basically visions people have had of angels and celestial beings. Alyssa and I are looking at the cards of the paintings. I couldn't believe my eyes. There is a painting of a woman who looks exactly like Alyssa. Alyssa was kind of exotic and different looking. And out of the woman in the paintings fingertips are coming rays of light! Maybe it was one of those you had to be there experiences, but I was blown away. Of course I made her get the card. Then we headed home.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
Spring Barter Faire : Alyssa and Kindheart
It was spring again. Up north, living the way I was, you become very in tune with the seasons. It was spring, and I was getting kind of lonely now, living way back there by myself. It was nice for a while, but I was starting to want some company.
Back in those days, we had lots of Barter Faires, in places other than the Okanogan too. We had Spring Barter Faires too. They are probably designed just for this. Social interaction, after a long winter. I headed out to the Northport Barter Faire. Northport Washington, is on the Columbia River about 3 hours east of Tonasket. It is on the Canadian Border.
While I was wandering around the faire, I started talking to a woman sitting at a little table. It was one of those instant connections, where you meet and the next second you are best friends. At least that happens to me sometimes. She said her name was Alyssa. I told her that I had spent the winter by myself in a cabin and was feeling kind of lonely. She says right and there, you should come stay with me and my boyfriend for awhile. He should be right back. Then he shows up. His name was Kindheart.
Now this is getting more cosmic. This may be hard to follow. I knew her boyfriend, not well, but I had met him a number of times. The first time was in my house in Oregon, when him and his wife, and their kids were living in my living room for a while. The second time was at a Rainbow Gathering in California, in a circle of like 1000 people, I was holding his hand. The third time was the first day I arrived at the land in the Okanogan, he was there, living there with his wife. I met him 3 times in three different states. Now here he is again. I just turned instant best friends with his girlfriend. The coincidences get even bigger later, but I won't tell it now, or I'll ruin the story.
Well anyway, Alyssa and I hung out together the whole barter faire. It turned out they lived nearby in Northport. I went to visit them a few weeks later, and ended up never going home. I stayed and lived with them for the entire summer. I still had my cabin, I just wasn't there. Like I had done before, I used my van as my bedroom. The three of us were together basically all the time. I was right about us being instant best friends.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
Back in those days, we had lots of Barter Faires, in places other than the Okanogan too. We had Spring Barter Faires too. They are probably designed just for this. Social interaction, after a long winter. I headed out to the Northport Barter Faire. Northport Washington, is on the Columbia River about 3 hours east of Tonasket. It is on the Canadian Border.
While I was wandering around the faire, I started talking to a woman sitting at a little table. It was one of those instant connections, where you meet and the next second you are best friends. At least that happens to me sometimes. She said her name was Alyssa. I told her that I had spent the winter by myself in a cabin and was feeling kind of lonely. She says right and there, you should come stay with me and my boyfriend for awhile. He should be right back. Then he shows up. His name was Kindheart.
Now this is getting more cosmic. This may be hard to follow. I knew her boyfriend, not well, but I had met him a number of times. The first time was in my house in Oregon, when him and his wife, and their kids were living in my living room for a while. The second time was at a Rainbow Gathering in California, in a circle of like 1000 people, I was holding his hand. The third time was the first day I arrived at the land in the Okanogan, he was there, living there with his wife. I met him 3 times in three different states. Now here he is again. I just turned instant best friends with his girlfriend. The coincidences get even bigger later, but I won't tell it now, or I'll ruin the story.
Well anyway, Alyssa and I hung out together the whole barter faire. It turned out they lived nearby in Northport. I went to visit them a few weeks later, and ended up never going home. I stayed and lived with them for the entire summer. I still had my cabin, I just wasn't there. Like I had done before, I used my van as my bedroom. The three of us were together basically all the time. I was right about us being instant best friends.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
I Go Back to the Aeneas Valley
Spring was on it's way. I made it though the winter! The first day I came to the Okanogan and the Circle, I met a woman named Flyingsky. We became friends. Then when I moved in with John, she lived down the road, and we visited more. We had kept up with each other through letter through the winter. Now that the weather was better, I decided to go see her. Back to the Aeneas Valley!
I went and ended up staying with her, her two children, and her boyfriend all summer. I just used my van for a bedroom. She lived on an old homestead there. It had electricity, a wood heat and cook stove, and cold running water, that always ran, from a spring. It had an outhouse. I guess I should mention everyone had an out house, and her house was pretty deluxe with the electricity and running water.
We had a nice summer and now winter was coming upon us again. One thing about living in the North country like this. You are always getting ready for winter, and it is always coming. I couldn't keep staying in my Van. Flyingsky's house was way too small for me to stay in. I needed to find my own place. This is where John comes back in. He lived up the hill from Flyingsky. We didn't see each other that often, but we weren't enemies or anything. Well John hears I need a place to live, and he tells me about a little place he built and lived in a few years back. It is way back there, pretty isolated, and the guy who owns it lives down the hill. He was an old guy. John tells me to go ask the guy if I can stay in the place, and he says yes. I offered him money, but he wouldn't take it.
It was a little cabin that was half sunk into the ground. It had a barrel stove, that didn't hold a fire all night. It had an awesome picture window, that would let the sun come in so good, that you could let the fire go out, and bask in the sun, even in the dead of winter. The water was on another piece of property, with another empty house, probably like a 5 minute walk away. It was the most amazing spring water ever! it was very peaceful there. It was back there. I moved in and I was home.
I spent the winter back in that cabin by myself. People wonder why even now, I don't listen to the radio or music. I tell them that I learnt to listen to the quiet in that cabin. I was way back there by myself. My closest neighbor my landlord, was a bit of a hike, and I didn't see him very often. My main worry, was what if I got sick. So I got myself 5, 5 gallon buckets for water, and made sure they were always full. And then I made sure I always had plenty of chopped kindling for starting fires, and plenty of wood chopped and cut in my house. I never did get sick once. Probably because I was living such a healthy lifestyle. I had a new kitten, and she was my company. I chopped my wood, hauled my water. I went for walks, and listened to the coyotes. I read the bible, and prayed. I tried to observe Shabbat days as an intense meditation on God and felt his blessing shower down. But I also came out and related to people.
There were alot of hippie people living in those hills. Everyone knew each other, and were all basically friends. I had no shortage of friends and human contact. I seemed to follow a pattern of 3 days by myself, and then go out. I could take walks to go visit people or drive a few miles. One thing, there was snow, and plenty of it. Somehow I managed to plow myself through it, with my trusty Ford Econoline Van. And there were dinners and parties for things like Christmas and Thanksgiving. I had a social life. I had lots of nice girlfriends, and I felt like my relationships were rewarding.
I had one friend whose house was more civilized than most of house. She lived in a Old Ranch house. I would go down there and stay overnight at here place alot. She had a VCR and we would rent videos, and I could take a shower there. I also heated up water and took baths in a wash tub by my wood stove.
The other thing I remember is somewhere in all of this I had a babysitting job for a few months, for 4 kids. I would go down a few days a week and babysit them, and make some money. So I wasn't a total hermit, but I did spend alot of days back there, all by myself, listening to the quiet. It was a very rewarding time.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
I went and ended up staying with her, her two children, and her boyfriend all summer. I just used my van for a bedroom. She lived on an old homestead there. It had electricity, a wood heat and cook stove, and cold running water, that always ran, from a spring. It had an outhouse. I guess I should mention everyone had an out house, and her house was pretty deluxe with the electricity and running water.
We had a nice summer and now winter was coming upon us again. One thing about living in the North country like this. You are always getting ready for winter, and it is always coming. I couldn't keep staying in my Van. Flyingsky's house was way too small for me to stay in. I needed to find my own place. This is where John comes back in. He lived up the hill from Flyingsky. We didn't see each other that often, but we weren't enemies or anything. Well John hears I need a place to live, and he tells me about a little place he built and lived in a few years back. It is way back there, pretty isolated, and the guy who owns it lives down the hill. He was an old guy. John tells me to go ask the guy if I can stay in the place, and he says yes. I offered him money, but he wouldn't take it.
It was a little cabin that was half sunk into the ground. It had a barrel stove, that didn't hold a fire all night. It had an awesome picture window, that would let the sun come in so good, that you could let the fire go out, and bask in the sun, even in the dead of winter. The water was on another piece of property, with another empty house, probably like a 5 minute walk away. It was the most amazing spring water ever! it was very peaceful there. It was back there. I moved in and I was home.
I spent the winter back in that cabin by myself. People wonder why even now, I don't listen to the radio or music. I tell them that I learnt to listen to the quiet in that cabin. I was way back there by myself. My closest neighbor my landlord, was a bit of a hike, and I didn't see him very often. My main worry, was what if I got sick. So I got myself 5, 5 gallon buckets for water, and made sure they were always full. And then I made sure I always had plenty of chopped kindling for starting fires, and plenty of wood chopped and cut in my house. I never did get sick once. Probably because I was living such a healthy lifestyle. I had a new kitten, and she was my company. I chopped my wood, hauled my water. I went for walks, and listened to the coyotes. I read the bible, and prayed. I tried to observe Shabbat days as an intense meditation on God and felt his blessing shower down. But I also came out and related to people.
There were alot of hippie people living in those hills. Everyone knew each other, and were all basically friends. I had no shortage of friends and human contact. I seemed to follow a pattern of 3 days by myself, and then go out. I could take walks to go visit people or drive a few miles. One thing, there was snow, and plenty of it. Somehow I managed to plow myself through it, with my trusty Ford Econoline Van. And there were dinners and parties for things like Christmas and Thanksgiving. I had a social life. I had lots of nice girlfriends, and I felt like my relationships were rewarding.
I had one friend whose house was more civilized than most of house. She lived in a Old Ranch house. I would go down there and stay overnight at here place alot. She had a VCR and we would rent videos, and I could take a shower there. I also heated up water and took baths in a wash tub by my wood stove.
The other thing I remember is somewhere in all of this I had a babysitting job for a few months, for 4 kids. I would go down a few days a week and babysit them, and make some money. So I wasn't a total hermit, but I did spend alot of days back there, all by myself, listening to the quiet. It was a very rewarding time.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
Back in Eugene
I had been in the Okanogan for three months, when I got back to Eugene. I went into virtual culture shock. I couldn't stand it there. I just longed with everything in me to be back in the Okanogan. I tried to be practical, and stay and sell at the market, to make money. I was dying. I couldn't do it. I just wanted to go back with all my being. Finally a woman at the market asked me if I went back, without making the money what is the worse that could happen to me? I said I could die in a snow drift. I went back.
But it wasn't that easy. I checked the weather, and it all seemed ok, so I set out. It was me and my cat I had retrieved in Oregon. It isn't an easy trip under the best of conditions. I got to Portland and it was raining. I turned right, onto Highway 84, which is a freeway along the Columbia River Gorge, and it was snowing. I wasn't the most experienced of drivers and had never driven on snow. I didn't have snow tires. I am lucky I am here to tell the tale.
I was driving for a while, and I was near Hood River. I was going kind of slow, and thought, maybe I should speed up a little. Bad idea. I put more gas on, and suddenly the car went out of control skidding all over the freeway. If there had been another car, or especially big truck, that would have been it for me. And I was afraid I would just crash into something on the side too. Somehow I got the car under control, and inched my way to the next exit, Hood River. It was so good I got off. The snow was way worse than I realized. On the freeway, it was melting some as it came down. Once I was off, the reality of the situation was way more obvious. The snow was deep, and the town was shut down. I drove my car down a hill, and I got stuck and stranded by the train station. I was there for the next two days.
Finally the sun came out, the roads got plowed, and people in town thought it would ok for me to continue on. I still had most of the journey to go. Hood River is the most a few hours from Portland. So I took off all confident about the weather. Not. I crossed over the Columbia River and was in Eastern Washington. Oh yeah, it was sunny, but it was zero degrees in the day. It was me and the cat. I wasn't used to weather like this. I had lived in Hawaii and Western Oregon for the past 10 years. I went on. I was on the eastern side of the state and how to drive through desolate stretches. I was going from dot to dot on the map, saying if you can only get to this next point. I spent the night in a motel, and begged for my cat to come in. I was so exhausted by it all, I took a shower and passed out on the bed.
The next day I still had more to do. I finally got there, to my destination but I was shaking. It was a very hard journey. The last 40 miles, were on those back roads, and that is treacherous too.
Now the weather in the Okanogan Highlands was way different than I had left. It was before Thanksgiving and the snow was deep, and it was zero degrees in the day, probably 30 below at night. I got to John's and it was stressful. I don't remember exactly what happened, but we weren't doing so well and I left. What a time to leave. So I drove 60 more miles in that weather, and went back to Oak and the Circle. I needed somewhere to stay. I ended up staying in a friend's candle making shop for a while. It was warm because it was underground. Then Arborsun was leaving to go take care of his mother, so I got to live in his house for the winter. His house could barely be called a house. It was more like a little underground hobbit hole. It worked though and I made it through the winter. I chopped wood and carried water. I had friends around me, doing the same thing. I was on 500 acres of beautiful land. I made a little money selling hats at Christmas bazaars. I didn't even leave the land for 6 weeks, so I didn't really need much money. It was quiet and peaceful.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
But it wasn't that easy. I checked the weather, and it all seemed ok, so I set out. It was me and my cat I had retrieved in Oregon. It isn't an easy trip under the best of conditions. I got to Portland and it was raining. I turned right, onto Highway 84, which is a freeway along the Columbia River Gorge, and it was snowing. I wasn't the most experienced of drivers and had never driven on snow. I didn't have snow tires. I am lucky I am here to tell the tale.
I was driving for a while, and I was near Hood River. I was going kind of slow, and thought, maybe I should speed up a little. Bad idea. I put more gas on, and suddenly the car went out of control skidding all over the freeway. If there had been another car, or especially big truck, that would have been it for me. And I was afraid I would just crash into something on the side too. Somehow I got the car under control, and inched my way to the next exit, Hood River. It was so good I got off. The snow was way worse than I realized. On the freeway, it was melting some as it came down. Once I was off, the reality of the situation was way more obvious. The snow was deep, and the town was shut down. I drove my car down a hill, and I got stuck and stranded by the train station. I was there for the next two days.
Finally the sun came out, the roads got plowed, and people in town thought it would ok for me to continue on. I still had most of the journey to go. Hood River is the most a few hours from Portland. So I took off all confident about the weather. Not. I crossed over the Columbia River and was in Eastern Washington. Oh yeah, it was sunny, but it was zero degrees in the day. It was me and the cat. I wasn't used to weather like this. I had lived in Hawaii and Western Oregon for the past 10 years. I went on. I was on the eastern side of the state and how to drive through desolate stretches. I was going from dot to dot on the map, saying if you can only get to this next point. I spent the night in a motel, and begged for my cat to come in. I was so exhausted by it all, I took a shower and passed out on the bed.
The next day I still had more to do. I finally got there, to my destination but I was shaking. It was a very hard journey. The last 40 miles, were on those back roads, and that is treacherous too.
Now the weather in the Okanogan Highlands was way different than I had left. It was before Thanksgiving and the snow was deep, and it was zero degrees in the day, probably 30 below at night. I got to John's and it was stressful. I don't remember exactly what happened, but we weren't doing so well and I left. What a time to leave. So I drove 60 more miles in that weather, and went back to Oak and the Circle. I needed somewhere to stay. I ended up staying in a friend's candle making shop for a while. It was warm because it was underground. Then Arborsun was leaving to go take care of his mother, so I got to live in his house for the winter. His house could barely be called a house. It was more like a little underground hobbit hole. It worked though and I made it through the winter. I chopped wood and carried water. I had friends around me, doing the same thing. I was on 500 acres of beautiful land. I made a little money selling hats at Christmas bazaars. I didn't even leave the land for 6 weeks, so I didn't really need much money. It was quiet and peaceful.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
The Barter Faire
I stayed there with John a couple of months. It was fall, and everyone gets ready for winter there all fall. There is food to harvest and put up, and wood to cut. It is a busy time.
One thing I kept hearing everybody talk about was the Barter Faire. This was a yearly event they had every fall, after harvest time. People would come and gather, and trade and sell, whatever they brought. It was fairly large, and people would come from other places other than just the Okanogan. It was a gala, hippie event. People would set up stalls, and go around trading each other, and selling out of their stalls. It was also a huge social event, and everyone camped there all weekend, and visited and partied sometimes through the night. There were lots of campfires, because the nights were really cold, and people would go from fire to fire visiting and meeting each other. It was a camping thing. There was no electricity so there was only acoustic music. Musicians would wander from fire to fire, playing with each other. That was one of my favorite parts.
So John took me to the barter faire. I had some hats to sell, and in his usual fashion he set me to work making pies to sell. It was all very fun. We woke up to snow on Monday morning. It can get really cold there.
After this I had to go back to Eugene. I had called my roommate and told her I was moving out. Then my friend went and cleared my stuff out of my room for me, and was storing it at her house. I needed to go get my stuff, and also I was low on money. I thought I could go to Eugene for a few months, stay with my friend, and sell at the market. So I took off. I planned to come back after my selling was done, and me and John were still together.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
One thing I kept hearing everybody talk about was the Barter Faire. This was a yearly event they had every fall, after harvest time. People would come and gather, and trade and sell, whatever they brought. It was fairly large, and people would come from other places other than just the Okanogan. It was a gala, hippie event. People would set up stalls, and go around trading each other, and selling out of their stalls. It was also a huge social event, and everyone camped there all weekend, and visited and partied sometimes through the night. There were lots of campfires, because the nights were really cold, and people would go from fire to fire visiting and meeting each other. It was a camping thing. There was no electricity so there was only acoustic music. Musicians would wander from fire to fire, playing with each other. That was one of my favorite parts.
So John took me to the barter faire. I had some hats to sell, and in his usual fashion he set me to work making pies to sell. It was all very fun. We woke up to snow on Monday morning. It can get really cold there.
After this I had to go back to Eugene. I had called my roommate and told her I was moving out. Then my friend went and cleared my stuff out of my room for me, and was storing it at her house. I needed to go get my stuff, and also I was low on money. I thought I could go to Eugene for a few months, stay with my friend, and sell at the market. So I took off. I planned to come back after my selling was done, and me and John were still together.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
John and another Commune
So I met John. He was one of these wild and wooly, hippie guys I was telling you about. He moved right in on me, and I went for it. He was cute and had personality, so what the heck!
John, invites me to his place. He draws me a map. One thing I need to mention about the Okanogan in those days, is everyone drew you a map to theeir place. Everyone lived way back, down some bumpy, dirt road. None of the roads had names. It was more like this. You go down the main road, until you get to a very steep hill on the left. You go up that, take it really slow. Then you wind around, past the s curve. You go to the third cattle guard, and then right past that you make a left. You go a ways, and then there is a fork in the road. You go right, and stay on that up the hill. Then you will run right into it.
So John draws me a map, and I go. He is living 60 miles from Chesaw and the Circle, in an area called the Aeneas Valley. It still is the Okanogan Highlands, the closest town is Tonasket. Once again it was "Where the heck is this guy sending me??". Well, I make it, I get there. He lives on another hippie commune, but this one is was smaller. Not big at all. Everyone there lived the same way as the other one.
I thought I was visiting John for the day. He had other ideas. After all he was living there all alone, and winter was a coming! He moves me in. I get there, and right off he shows me his woodcook stove, his 25 pounds of tomatoes, with onions, garlic, and hot peppers to go with it. It sets me to work canning salsa.
Now, remember I am naive?? And I didn't really get the culture there?? And John was cute. And besides all that I was intrigued by it all. I never cooked on a woodcook stove. I never made salsa, or ever canned. I was entraced by this whole new life style I had come across in the last week. I set to work.
John showed me how to use the stove. He gave me a 5 gallon pot to cut everything up in, and make the salsa. Later he showed me how to can it. I actually learned alot of skills, I used for years from him. I was his instant woman. While he had me merrily working in his outdoor kitchen, he took off to do his other guy chores.
Literally, that was it. I lived there. He moved me in, and I stayed. The place was pretty, he was cute, we got along ok. He lived in a little house he made himself, had a kitchen full of good healthy food. There was a community garden, and other hippies to meet. Life was good. I had been in the Okanogan a week, and I already was living with a new boyfriend!
I stayed there with John a couple of months. It was fall, and everyone gets ready for winter there all fall. There is food to harvest and put up, and wood to cut.It is a busy time.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
John, invites me to his place. He draws me a map. One thing I need to mention about the Okanogan in those days, is everyone drew you a map to theeir place. Everyone lived way back, down some bumpy, dirt road. None of the roads had names. It was more like this. You go down the main road, until you get to a very steep hill on the left. You go up that, take it really slow. Then you wind around, past the s curve. You go to the third cattle guard, and then right past that you make a left. You go a ways, and then there is a fork in the road. You go right, and stay on that up the hill. Then you will run right into it.
So John draws me a map, and I go. He is living 60 miles from Chesaw and the Circle, in an area called the Aeneas Valley. It still is the Okanogan Highlands, the closest town is Tonasket. Once again it was "Where the heck is this guy sending me??". Well, I make it, I get there. He lives on another hippie commune, but this one is was smaller. Not big at all. Everyone there lived the same way as the other one.
I thought I was visiting John for the day. He had other ideas. After all he was living there all alone, and winter was a coming! He moves me in. I get there, and right off he shows me his woodcook stove, his 25 pounds of tomatoes, with onions, garlic, and hot peppers to go with it. It sets me to work canning salsa.
Now, remember I am naive?? And I didn't really get the culture there?? And John was cute. And besides all that I was intrigued by it all. I never cooked on a woodcook stove. I never made salsa, or ever canned. I was entraced by this whole new life style I had come across in the last week. I set to work.
John showed me how to use the stove. He gave me a 5 gallon pot to cut everything up in, and make the salsa. Later he showed me how to can it. I actually learned alot of skills, I used for years from him. I was his instant woman. While he had me merrily working in his outdoor kitchen, he took off to do his other guy chores.
Literally, that was it. I lived there. He moved me in, and I stayed. The place was pretty, he was cute, we got along ok. He lived in a little house he made himself, had a kitchen full of good healthy food. There was a community garden, and other hippies to meet. Life was good. I had been in the Okanogan a week, and I already was living with a new boyfriend!
I stayed there with John a couple of months. It was fall, and everyone gets ready for winter there all fall. There is food to harvest and put up, and wood to cut.It is a busy time.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
My First Days in the Okanogan
One of the people I met that first day was named Arborsun. Everyone had a hippie name. He became my friend that day, and he was a best friend for 25 years!
I had been at the Circle for 3 days. I didn't have much money. The month was August. Arborsun knew about a job going to pick peaches at a local peach orchard and asked if I wanted to go. I said sure.
Where I was is the Okanogan Highlands. We were going down into the Okanogan Valley, which is a huge fruit growing area of America. We got to the orchard and went to work. What I didn't understand, was that there was and still is, a huge hippie community throughout the Okanogan, and everyone knows each other. There are alternative people living everywhere in the hills there. This wasn't any ordinary peach orchard. This was a peach orchard that was being run by one of the Okanogan Hippie Family members, and all the people working there were part of the Okanogan Hippie Family .
This place was definitely more rugged than anywhere I had ever been. I had lived simply without electricity or running water outside alot, and in simple handmade houses. But this was in mild climates, Hawaii and Oregon. This was alot harsher climate. I didn't know that yet. This was a harsher, high desert climate. It was dry and cold in the winter, hot and dry in the summer. It snowed here. Not alot all at once, but in the high altitudes, it never got above freezing all winter, and the snow just gradually piled up. The winter's were cold and long. It could go to 30 below on the thermometer, and then sometimes the wind blew over that. People still lived in houses they made themselves, heating and cooking on wood, and hauling water. Everyone looked really healthy from this lifestyle. In the summer they all had their own gardens, and had root cellars, and put up their own food. They canned and dried food. These were the people I was meeting and I fell in love with them and the place.
One other thing is that this Okanogan place was more like the wild west. I mean this in regard to men and woman. If a new woman came into town the guys all knew it, and chased after her. I am talking about the hippies here. So, when I showed up, that is what happened, but I was unaware. Later Oak told me she should have warned me about it.
So I met alot more people at the orchard that day. Some that I became fast friends with again for 25 years. I think I worked there for a day or two. That is where I met John.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
I had been at the Circle for 3 days. I didn't have much money. The month was August. Arborsun knew about a job going to pick peaches at a local peach orchard and asked if I wanted to go. I said sure.
Where I was is the Okanogan Highlands. We were going down into the Okanogan Valley, which is a huge fruit growing area of America. We got to the orchard and went to work. What I didn't understand, was that there was and still is, a huge hippie community throughout the Okanogan, and everyone knows each other. There are alternative people living everywhere in the hills there. This wasn't any ordinary peach orchard. This was a peach orchard that was being run by one of the Okanogan Hippie Family members, and all the people working there were part of the Okanogan Hippie Family .
This place was definitely more rugged than anywhere I had ever been. I had lived simply without electricity or running water outside alot, and in simple handmade houses. But this was in mild climates, Hawaii and Oregon. This was alot harsher climate. I didn't know that yet. This was a harsher, high desert climate. It was dry and cold in the winter, hot and dry in the summer. It snowed here. Not alot all at once, but in the high altitudes, it never got above freezing all winter, and the snow just gradually piled up. The winter's were cold and long. It could go to 30 below on the thermometer, and then sometimes the wind blew over that. People still lived in houses they made themselves, heating and cooking on wood, and hauling water. Everyone looked really healthy from this lifestyle. In the summer they all had their own gardens, and had root cellars, and put up their own food. They canned and dried food. These were the people I was meeting and I fell in love with them and the place.
One other thing is that this Okanogan place was more like the wild west. I mean this in regard to men and woman. If a new woman came into town the guys all knew it, and chased after her. I am talking about the hippies here. So, when I showed up, that is what happened, but I was unaware. Later Oak told me she should have warned me about it.
So I met alot more people at the orchard that day. Some that I became fast friends with again for 25 years. I think I worked there for a day or two. That is where I met John.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
I Discover the North Country: The Okanogan Highlands
Josh left me in late spring. So there I was. I was living in Eugene, Oregon, which was too big of a city for me. I had just spent most of the last ten years of my life in amazing nature. I missed it. I tried to get people I knew in the city, to go out in the woods with me. People just wanted to go to the movies. I was going a little stir crazy. I also still missed Thomas some. At least the part of him that shared nature with me. I didn't really want to go alone to the woods. I was a people person, and wanted to share with others.
I might make mention that I had recently got a drivers license and a nice Ford Van. I was 32 by now, and I finally pulled it off and got the license. That took awhile.
So, it was spring, and I was starting another market season. I went to a crafts show at the university, and was set up by a woman with stained glass. Her name was Oak. This was her hippie name. We talked, and I told her about my dilemma. How I was living in this city, but loved nature, and how no one I knew in town really related to the woods. I said I wish I knew a place to go, where there were people like me. People who lived in the woods, but had community, not just doing it alone.
This must have been a divine appointment! Oak said she wasn't from Eugene, she was just visiting. She lived in a place like that, way up north in North Central Washington, right on the Canadian Border. She said there was one traffic light in her whole county and lots of hippies. That is all she said, and that I should come up and visit.
Oak took my address and I took hers, and we parted ways. I went home and told my roommate about it. Unbelievably, she knew Oak, and told me I had to go. Now my roommate knew my current condition. I was just aimlessly moping around my house. Josh had left, and I was uninspired. So I wrote Oak, and told her was coming up. A few days later I got a post card from her telling be to come.
I packed up my van. I decided to keep my room, as the house I was living in was very nice, and just go check it out. Now this was a big deal for me. Remember I didn't drive all those years?? And I just got my license and the van?? And the van was big. It was a Ford Econoline. So for me to set out, by myself, and drive all the way up to North Central Washington, was a huge, scary deal. But I knew I had to do it.
I set out, and drove up the Oregon Coast. This was familiar territory for me, and not too bad. When it was time to turn inland, I was scared. But I did it, and it was ok. I went over Highway 12, by Mount Rainer over the Cascades, and it turned out to be a real pretty drive. Now I was on the eastside of Washington, and kept going north. The terrain was much different here. It was desert. There were high mountains but there were barren. Much of the landscape was quite barren too. I was someone who just spent the last 10 years in the lush, Cascade Mountain Rainforest, with raging rivers and big green trees and ferns. I thought to myself, "Where is this woman sending me?? How can there be a bunch of people like me here, living on the land??".
I kept driving and kept thinking this. The landscape didn't get better. I really had no idea where I was going. All I knew is that she said I should go to Chesaw, Washington, and ask for her and the Circle, which was the name of the commune she lived on. I had looked at the map, and was simply heading that way. I might mention that this is a 10 hour drive at best.
To get to Chesaw you go to Oroville first. I got to Oroville finally, which was a small little town, in the middle of nowhere. It is about 4 miles from the Canadian border. I stopped and asked someone how I would get to Chesaw. They pointed at a road, and I was on my way. Well to get to Chesaw from Oroville is another 30 minute drive through rugged countryside. There is nothing else. Now I really thought " Where is this woman sending me?". I finally made it to Chesaw. There was a country store and a tavern. The first person I saw looked like a hippie, and I asked him if he knew Oak, and where she lived. He laughed and said yes, and he lived there too. Could I give him a road there??
It was even further back, but I had finally arrived. We looked for Oak and we found her. The land was amazing. It was 500 acres, owned by this large community of hippies, who were living as back to the land as they could. It was off the grid. People had made their houses, they hauled water from this incredible spring creek. They either had solar panels or used candles and lanterns. They were into whole foods. Oak was right. They were like me!
Oak took me around and I met a bunch of different folks that day. Quite a few became fast friends, and I continued being their friends for 25 years. Some of the people I met that day became best friends for 25 years. People were so open and embracing. We just so completely shared the same vision of how life should be. That very day I knew I was home, and so did they.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
I might make mention that I had recently got a drivers license and a nice Ford Van. I was 32 by now, and I finally pulled it off and got the license. That took awhile.
So, it was spring, and I was starting another market season. I went to a crafts show at the university, and was set up by a woman with stained glass. Her name was Oak. This was her hippie name. We talked, and I told her about my dilemma. How I was living in this city, but loved nature, and how no one I knew in town really related to the woods. I said I wish I knew a place to go, where there were people like me. People who lived in the woods, but had community, not just doing it alone.
This must have been a divine appointment! Oak said she wasn't from Eugene, she was just visiting. She lived in a place like that, way up north in North Central Washington, right on the Canadian Border. She said there was one traffic light in her whole county and lots of hippies. That is all she said, and that I should come up and visit.
Oak took my address and I took hers, and we parted ways. I went home and told my roommate about it. Unbelievably, she knew Oak, and told me I had to go. Now my roommate knew my current condition. I was just aimlessly moping around my house. Josh had left, and I was uninspired. So I wrote Oak, and told her was coming up. A few days later I got a post card from her telling be to come.
I packed up my van. I decided to keep my room, as the house I was living in was very nice, and just go check it out. Now this was a big deal for me. Remember I didn't drive all those years?? And I just got my license and the van?? And the van was big. It was a Ford Econoline. So for me to set out, by myself, and drive all the way up to North Central Washington, was a huge, scary deal. But I knew I had to do it.
I set out, and drove up the Oregon Coast. This was familiar territory for me, and not too bad. When it was time to turn inland, I was scared. But I did it, and it was ok. I went over Highway 12, by Mount Rainer over the Cascades, and it turned out to be a real pretty drive. Now I was on the eastside of Washington, and kept going north. The terrain was much different here. It was desert. There were high mountains but there were barren. Much of the landscape was quite barren too. I was someone who just spent the last 10 years in the lush, Cascade Mountain Rainforest, with raging rivers and big green trees and ferns. I thought to myself, "Where is this woman sending me?? How can there be a bunch of people like me here, living on the land??".
I kept driving and kept thinking this. The landscape didn't get better. I really had no idea where I was going. All I knew is that she said I should go to Chesaw, Washington, and ask for her and the Circle, which was the name of the commune she lived on. I had looked at the map, and was simply heading that way. I might mention that this is a 10 hour drive at best.
To get to Chesaw you go to Oroville first. I got to Oroville finally, which was a small little town, in the middle of nowhere. It is about 4 miles from the Canadian border. I stopped and asked someone how I would get to Chesaw. They pointed at a road, and I was on my way. Well to get to Chesaw from Oroville is another 30 minute drive through rugged countryside. There is nothing else. Now I really thought " Where is this woman sending me?". I finally made it to Chesaw. There was a country store and a tavern. The first person I saw looked like a hippie, and I asked him if he knew Oak, and where she lived. He laughed and said yes, and he lived there too. Could I give him a road there??
It was even further back, but I had finally arrived. We looked for Oak and we found her. The land was amazing. It was 500 acres, owned by this large community of hippies, who were living as back to the land as they could. It was off the grid. People had made their houses, they hauled water from this incredible spring creek. They either had solar panels or used candles and lanterns. They were into whole foods. Oak was right. They were like me!
Oak took me around and I met a bunch of different folks that day. Quite a few became fast friends, and I continued being their friends for 25 years. Some of the people I met that day became best friends for 25 years. People were so open and embracing. We just so completely shared the same vision of how life should be. That very day I knew I was home, and so did they.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
Back in Oregon, Getting Back with Josh
I got back to Oregon, and moved back into the same household I had left, when I got to California. I never really did spend anytime with Thomas again. That whole thing about he wanting me to come back, wasn't really true. Oh well.....
I did start doing the market again though. I decided I wasn't even going to go through competing with Thomas, I decided I wasn't going to sell jewelry, only hats. That worked out very well. I made more money than with the jewelry, enjoyed making them very much, and didn't have to deal with the emotional aggravation of competing with Thomas. I had a very successful hat season, and was financially set for the winter.
I think coming back was good in another way too. I think I needed to come back and face what I had basically run away from. Also, him telling me to come back, and then ignoring me, helped me get alot more free. I saw that the relationship was truly over, and it helped me move on.
I still was in contact with Josh. We had gotten along well, and there wasn't any animosity about me leaving. He knew I had just broken up from an 8 year relationship, and had some unresolved feelings. He had supported me going back. He was such a cool guy, especially for a 21 year old. I think he was 22 by now.
So, I started seeing Josh again, long distance for a while. He would come up and visit me for a few days, and we would talk on the phone. We did this for the winter. Finally he decided to come up to Oregon to live by me. He got his own place, we didn't live together. We were together for quite a while. A total of two years. He was a great guy, and we got along well. We even talked about getting married. I think one thing that really attracted me to Josh, that I never had with Thomas, was that Josh was a spiritual seeker, and so was I. This became a big part of our relationship. But we had one problem, the baby.
This thing with wanting a baby, just wouldn't go away. I could almost feel this baby there, just bugging me to get here. This became our issue. I wanted a baby, and he didn't. It was fair on his part. He was in his early twenties. He was a good and decent guy. He just wasn't ready for a baby. Finally Josh, went to the Rabbi. We never went to synagogue or anything, but he took it upon himself to seek out spiritual council and went to the Rabbi. I always have respected him for this.
The Rabbi told Josh to break up with me. He said he should leave me, so I could find someone to have a baby with. We stayed together a while longer, but ultimately that is what happened. He finally left me, and went back to California. I never saw him or talked to him again. A year later I got a letter from him, saying he wanted to come see me, but he still didn't want a baby. I said best to leave things where they were.
Our breakup was not devastating to me. I felt like it made sense, it was done with great care and thoughtfulness, especially for such a young man. I will always respect Josh and have the fondest memories of him as well.
Now it it years later, and we are in the computer age. I actually found Josh on the Internet, and I have had some communication with him. It was nice to hear what he was doing after all these years.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
I did start doing the market again though. I decided I wasn't even going to go through competing with Thomas, I decided I wasn't going to sell jewelry, only hats. That worked out very well. I made more money than with the jewelry, enjoyed making them very much, and didn't have to deal with the emotional aggravation of competing with Thomas. I had a very successful hat season, and was financially set for the winter.
I think coming back was good in another way too. I think I needed to come back and face what I had basically run away from. Also, him telling me to come back, and then ignoring me, helped me get alot more free. I saw that the relationship was truly over, and it helped me move on.
I still was in contact with Josh. We had gotten along well, and there wasn't any animosity about me leaving. He knew I had just broken up from an 8 year relationship, and had some unresolved feelings. He had supported me going back. He was such a cool guy, especially for a 21 year old. I think he was 22 by now.
So, I started seeing Josh again, long distance for a while. He would come up and visit me for a few days, and we would talk on the phone. We did this for the winter. Finally he decided to come up to Oregon to live by me. He got his own place, we didn't live together. We were together for quite a while. A total of two years. He was a great guy, and we got along well. We even talked about getting married. I think one thing that really attracted me to Josh, that I never had with Thomas, was that Josh was a spiritual seeker, and so was I. This became a big part of our relationship. But we had one problem, the baby.
This thing with wanting a baby, just wouldn't go away. I could almost feel this baby there, just bugging me to get here. This became our issue. I wanted a baby, and he didn't. It was fair on his part. He was in his early twenties. He was a good and decent guy. He just wasn't ready for a baby. Finally Josh, went to the Rabbi. We never went to synagogue or anything, but he took it upon himself to seek out spiritual council and went to the Rabbi. I always have respected him for this.
The Rabbi told Josh to break up with me. He said he should leave me, so I could find someone to have a baby with. We stayed together a while longer, but ultimately that is what happened. He finally left me, and went back to California. I never saw him or talked to him again. A year later I got a letter from him, saying he wanted to come see me, but he still didn't want a baby. I said best to leave things where they were.
Our breakup was not devastating to me. I felt like it made sense, it was done with great care and thoughtfulness, especially for such a young man. I will always respect Josh and have the fondest memories of him as well.
Now it it years later, and we are in the computer age. I actually found Josh on the Internet, and I have had some communication with him. It was nice to hear what he was doing after all these years.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
My New Life: Working on an Organic Farm and a New Guy
Getting on my feet alone was very challenging for me. I had had Thomas to lean on for 8 years. Before that I was a fearless 21 year old. Now I was 30 years old, and I had changed.
Those first few months were difficult. I moved around alot, trying to find somewhere even to live. First I stayed with my friend on her farm, but that was too isolating. I moved into town, and stayed with a few different friends. I answered roommate wanted ads, but no one would take me. I think everyone could feel how socially awkward I felt, and they thought I was weird. Finally, I found a room, in what turned out to be a very nice hippie household. Things started looking up.
I lived there through the winter. I made good friend's with some of my roommates, and it wasn't too bad. I had been making hats as part of my living, and I was very involved with knitting and crocheting, and I remember doing alot of that. Things were ok.
The spring came, and it was time for me to go back to the market. That was the part I couldn't handle. I couldn't handle selling at the same market as Thomas, as well as competing with him. That was emotionally over the top. I didn't know how I was going to do this all summer.
It turned out I didn't have to. I ran into an old friend, and she was going to go to Northern California to work on an organic vegetable farm. She asked me if I wanted to go. That sounded great, and I said yes right away. I went home and told one of my roommate my news. She got excited about it and asked if she and her boyfriend could come too. It turned out they could, and in a few weeks we all headed down there.
This was the best thing for me. I loved nature, and had been living in town all winter. The farm was way out, in the mountains, on a big river. It was beautiful there. My roommate, her boyfriend, and I set up camp. We were living in tents. I loved it. The boss was a hippie, and the whole crew was hippies. The work was primarily weeding 1" high carrots with a fork. It was tedious. We were on the honor system of working. We could make our own hours and just write them down. Everyone was super nice, and we had so much fun out in the fields. We would talk and sing all day together. It was so healing for me to be there. As soon as I got there, I began to forget about my breakup so much more. It was the perfect place for me to be!
We were there for a while and things were great. But I really wanted a boyfriend. I still was after true love. There was lots of guys there, but I hadn't really connected with anyone like that. Then one day as I weeding, I decided to talk to Josh. He had been kind of offish to me so far. Someone had told me he was Jewish, so I decided to talk to him about that. I just said " I hear you are Jewish, so am I." I never expected his response. He said he was surprised I was Jewish. He thought I was Native American and that was why he had been offish. He thought I would want my space and not have him relate to me.
So we talked and we really hit it off. It turned out he was 9 years younger than me. I was 30, and he was only 21. We got together anyway.
Now something very significant happened to me when I got together with Josh. Suddenly I wanted a baby. I never really wanted one before, and never had wanted one with Thomas. I mean this was right away. It wasn't a rational thing. It is just what happened to me. The only rational explanation is that maybe because he was Jewish, and my mother programmed me, my whole childhood to have a baby with a Jewish man, and have Jewish children. Thomas wasn't Jewish. Maybe it was my mother's programming, maybe it was my DNA, maybe it was my biological clock, after all I was 30. I don't know, I just know now I wanted a baby, and the guy was only 21.
We kept working at the farm for a while. Then we quit, and I moved in with him, in his house in Northern California. I had given up my room in Oregon, when I went to the farm. We got along great. He understood me in ways that I don't think Thomas ever did, because he got my Jewish self. Josh really got me as a person. But now I had this baby thing bugging me. I think I finally told him about it. When I look back it was really soon, after we got together, like a few months. But we were already living together, and we were close. He got blown away, and said he wasn't ready for that. He was only 21. We stayed together some more, but I was feeling restless. Fall was coming, and I didn't know how I would support myself in California there. I missed the market and I really wasn't totally over Thomas. I remember I called him, and told him how I wanted a baby now. He told me to come back to Oregon, so I did. I left Josh, and went back to Oregon.
Those first few months were difficult. I moved around alot, trying to find somewhere even to live. First I stayed with my friend on her farm, but that was too isolating. I moved into town, and stayed with a few different friends. I answered roommate wanted ads, but no one would take me. I think everyone could feel how socially awkward I felt, and they thought I was weird. Finally, I found a room, in what turned out to be a very nice hippie household. Things started looking up.
I lived there through the winter. I made good friend's with some of my roommates, and it wasn't too bad. I had been making hats as part of my living, and I was very involved with knitting and crocheting, and I remember doing alot of that. Things were ok.
The spring came, and it was time for me to go back to the market. That was the part I couldn't handle. I couldn't handle selling at the same market as Thomas, as well as competing with him. That was emotionally over the top. I didn't know how I was going to do this all summer.
It turned out I didn't have to. I ran into an old friend, and she was going to go to Northern California to work on an organic vegetable farm. She asked me if I wanted to go. That sounded great, and I said yes right away. I went home and told one of my roommate my news. She got excited about it and asked if she and her boyfriend could come too. It turned out they could, and in a few weeks we all headed down there.
This was the best thing for me. I loved nature, and had been living in town all winter. The farm was way out, in the mountains, on a big river. It was beautiful there. My roommate, her boyfriend, and I set up camp. We were living in tents. I loved it. The boss was a hippie, and the whole crew was hippies. The work was primarily weeding 1" high carrots with a fork. It was tedious. We were on the honor system of working. We could make our own hours and just write them down. Everyone was super nice, and we had so much fun out in the fields. We would talk and sing all day together. It was so healing for me to be there. As soon as I got there, I began to forget about my breakup so much more. It was the perfect place for me to be!
We were there for a while and things were great. But I really wanted a boyfriend. I still was after true love. There was lots of guys there, but I hadn't really connected with anyone like that. Then one day as I weeding, I decided to talk to Josh. He had been kind of offish to me so far. Someone had told me he was Jewish, so I decided to talk to him about that. I just said " I hear you are Jewish, so am I." I never expected his response. He said he was surprised I was Jewish. He thought I was Native American and that was why he had been offish. He thought I would want my space and not have him relate to me.
So we talked and we really hit it off. It turned out he was 9 years younger than me. I was 30, and he was only 21. We got together anyway.
Now something very significant happened to me when I got together with Josh. Suddenly I wanted a baby. I never really wanted one before, and never had wanted one with Thomas. I mean this was right away. It wasn't a rational thing. It is just what happened to me. The only rational explanation is that maybe because he was Jewish, and my mother programmed me, my whole childhood to have a baby with a Jewish man, and have Jewish children. Thomas wasn't Jewish. Maybe it was my mother's programming, maybe it was my DNA, maybe it was my biological clock, after all I was 30. I don't know, I just know now I wanted a baby, and the guy was only 21.
We kept working at the farm for a while. Then we quit, and I moved in with him, in his house in Northern California. I had given up my room in Oregon, when I went to the farm. We got along great. He understood me in ways that I don't think Thomas ever did, because he got my Jewish self. Josh really got me as a person. But now I had this baby thing bugging me. I think I finally told him about it. When I look back it was really soon, after we got together, like a few months. But we were already living together, and we were close. He got blown away, and said he wasn't ready for that. He was only 21. We stayed together some more, but I was feeling restless. Fall was coming, and I didn't know how I would support myself in California there. I missed the market and I really wasn't totally over Thomas. I remember I called him, and told him how I wanted a baby now. He told me to come back to Oregon, so I did. I left Josh, and went back to Oregon.
The Break Up
So, we broke up. We never tried to go back. He stayed in the trailer, and I stayed at my friend's. She lived out of town, and that still seemed too isolated. I had lived out of town for so long, so I decided to move to town. It was really difficult for me to get on my feet. What I was feeling was true. I had pretty much lost my sense of self, my independence. I was scared of my shadow. I took a bus to the dentist across town by myself, and I considered a major accomplishment. I also took a jewelry making class at the local community college. I felt like someone who had just emerged out of a cave, and hadn't heard that World War 2 had ended all those long years ago. Everyone else seemed relaxed and at ease in this social setting. I felt like an awkward hermit, reentering the world. In a sense I was. This breakup was really about me reclaiming myself before I vanished completely. Some people break up to go to somebody else. I broke up to go to me.
I hold no blame to Thomas. I have nothing but wonderful memories of our time together. We shared amazing times and beautiful, natural places. He was always good to me. We did try to stay friends, and it was working at first. We kept our business together. We agreed that with our lives so radically changing we shouldn't rock our money boat. So we agreed that he would keep making the jewelry, I would make the hats, he would sell, and we would split the profits. It was going just fine at first, for about a month. Then Thomas was selling one day and a woman bought a hat. She asked him to come for tea. He came to me and asked me what he should do. I said he should go. Little did I know, that this was truly going to be the end of my relationship with Thomas. They got together, and I was fine with that. The problem was that she became insanely jealous of me, and forbade him to talk to me. He had to choose between her and me. Of course he choose her. Can you blame him? She made him end our business together too. We had a very emotionally afternoon, as we split up all our jewelry and supplies. We agreed that we could both sell at the Saturday Market and compete with each other. We agreed to sell on opposite sides of the Market. We agreed we could use the same supplies, and still make the same styles. This was all very hard. Especially since, Thomas had always been the one to sell our stuff. I was not practiced at selling, and also people would come up to my table all the time, and say, "Oh this is Thomas' table ?" I would want to bite their heads off, and say "This is my table. I am the one that designs all his jewelry."
But ending the business was the least of it. When I first left him, I never anticipated losing my constant companion for 8 years in such a total and complete way. I really believed we could each find somebody new, and remain close friends. Maybe if he had met a different type of woman, that could have happened. Maybe I was and am still too naive and idealistic about it. What did happen, is that I had to go through the terrible, awful pain of losing my most dearest best friend, that I had shared so much with all those 8 years. Maybe I was a fool for leaving, but I don't regret it now. I don't remember all the pain I went through, but I do know it was a difficult time. I once felt the invisible metaphysical saws, sawing away our bonds. Then I realized how bonded we were. We were bonded over campfires, and rivers, trees, and earth. These types of experiences make strong bonds and they are painful when they break. Once at the Saturday market I was sitting in my booth. A woman asked me how I was. I looked up, and tears just flowed down my cheeks. It was a deep and difficult loss, I never expected.
Over the years, I have seen Thomas a couple of times. These times were only at the Crafts Market we sold at. He still sells jewelry, and is still there, at that market we started selling at, all those long years ago. He met my daughter a few times, when she was younger. The meetings were always guarded and awkward on his part. I never really knew how he felt about me leaving. He never told me, just as he never shared any emotions about us being together. I actually saw him a few years ago at a holiday market. He was more friendly and excited about seeing me, than usual. I spent about 2 hours with him there, reliving old memories. I could tell they meant alot to him, as they did me. He has been in a relationship for 20 years, and I met the woman. She seemed nice. No, she isn't the insanely jealous one. He gave me a pair of earrings from his table. Little, purple, shell birds. And he bought me dinner. It was a nice visit. He will always hold a special place in my heart.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
I hold no blame to Thomas. I have nothing but wonderful memories of our time together. We shared amazing times and beautiful, natural places. He was always good to me. We did try to stay friends, and it was working at first. We kept our business together. We agreed that with our lives so radically changing we shouldn't rock our money boat. So we agreed that he would keep making the jewelry, I would make the hats, he would sell, and we would split the profits. It was going just fine at first, for about a month. Then Thomas was selling one day and a woman bought a hat. She asked him to come for tea. He came to me and asked me what he should do. I said he should go. Little did I know, that this was truly going to be the end of my relationship with Thomas. They got together, and I was fine with that. The problem was that she became insanely jealous of me, and forbade him to talk to me. He had to choose between her and me. Of course he choose her. Can you blame him? She made him end our business together too. We had a very emotionally afternoon, as we split up all our jewelry and supplies. We agreed that we could both sell at the Saturday Market and compete with each other. We agreed to sell on opposite sides of the Market. We agreed we could use the same supplies, and still make the same styles. This was all very hard. Especially since, Thomas had always been the one to sell our stuff. I was not practiced at selling, and also people would come up to my table all the time, and say, "Oh this is Thomas' table ?" I would want to bite their heads off, and say "This is my table. I am the one that designs all his jewelry."
But ending the business was the least of it. When I first left him, I never anticipated losing my constant companion for 8 years in such a total and complete way. I really believed we could each find somebody new, and remain close friends. Maybe if he had met a different type of woman, that could have happened. Maybe I was and am still too naive and idealistic about it. What did happen, is that I had to go through the terrible, awful pain of losing my most dearest best friend, that I had shared so much with all those 8 years. Maybe I was a fool for leaving, but I don't regret it now. I don't remember all the pain I went through, but I do know it was a difficult time. I once felt the invisible metaphysical saws, sawing away our bonds. Then I realized how bonded we were. We were bonded over campfires, and rivers, trees, and earth. These types of experiences make strong bonds and they are painful when they break. Once at the Saturday market I was sitting in my booth. A woman asked me how I was. I looked up, and tears just flowed down my cheeks. It was a deep and difficult loss, I never expected.
Over the years, I have seen Thomas a couple of times. These times were only at the Crafts Market we sold at. He still sells jewelry, and is still there, at that market we started selling at, all those long years ago. He met my daughter a few times, when she was younger. The meetings were always guarded and awkward on his part. I never really knew how he felt about me leaving. He never told me, just as he never shared any emotions about us being together. I actually saw him a few years ago at a holiday market. He was more friendly and excited about seeing me, than usual. I spent about 2 hours with him there, reliving old memories. I could tell they meant alot to him, as they did me. He has been in a relationship for 20 years, and I met the woman. She seemed nice. No, she isn't the insanely jealous one. He gave me a pair of earrings from his table. Little, purple, shell birds. And he bought me dinner. It was a nice visit. He will always hold a special place in my heart.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
We move from the Mckenzie River into the Willamette Valley
By now we have lived up the Mckenzie River 3 years, and Thomas and I were together about 8 years. When I read this, it sounds like things were so perfect, barring our Rainbow Gathering incident.
On the surface we got along great. Everything was just fine. But on a deeper level things were eating at me. The main problem was that I wanted to be with my true love. Maybe Thomas was him, and we just never acknowledged it. He was more like my best friend. I guess I didn't feel like that was enough. I wanted romance, love and passion, all of which was lacking in our relationship. The crazy thing is, we never even really talked about it at all. We were just together, from the start, and that was that.
Also, there was the issue of children. We had that abortion. Thomas kept indicating that he really wanted to have a baby. For some reason, I didn't feel like this with him. Maybe it was the not being in love part. I didn't feel like I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, and if we had a baby, I felt like we would have to.
The other big problem was that we were always together. I mean Always. Yeah, there were parts of the day, that he would go out in the woods alone. I would spend time alone crocheting a hat. But we NEVER went anywhere without the other. NEVER. And the other problem. He drove, and I didn't even have a license. I had had one in high school, and never had a car, and let the license slip away. I never liked driving, so I just let Thomas drive. He didn't seem to mind. This was my own fault. A few times I got a learners permit, and then we would move to a different state before I got the license, and I was back at square one. Anyway, we were always together at home. Then we would go to town, and always be together there. And we worked together. What happened to me, is I was starting to lose my sense of self. I was losing my independence totally. I started becoming extremely dependent on Thomas, to the point that I was scared to go out to our car in the driveway by myself at night, and it was totally safe. I was about 30 years old now, and I felt like I was drowning in water, and the water was just below my nose. I started feeling like it was either sink or swim.
I tried to communicate this a few times, but I didn't have enough self awareness to really know what was wrong. I wanted to go places alone, but Thomas always wanted to come. He wasn't a macho, controlling guy. On the contrary, he was a sweet, gentle guy, who just wanted to be there too,having fun. Maybe if I had had more self awareness I could have handled this better than I did.
Also pot was beginning to be a problem. I was still trying to smoke pot occasionally, but most of the time it still brought back that terrible OD. It was hard because Thomas still smoked it all the time. It would make me tempted. I also didn't want him to be stoned all the time. I would try to get him to quit, but to no avail. I was outgrowing being part of the drug culture. I had experienced very detrimental side effects from using different substances, and no longer wished to be associated with them. I guess I was starting to finally grow up. So Thomas's continued involvement with this started being a big incompatibility for me.
Another problem was that even though it was so pretty where we were, I was starting to get lonely up there. We had lived there for 3 years and didn't really even know anyone there, or have any friends. I was feeling lonely for more friends and more of a social life. So we decided to look for a place, closer to Eugene.
We found a little trailor for rent about 10 miles outside of Eugene in the country side. I remember I felt an element of doubt when I picked up my mattress to move it out of the cabin, but we did it. We didn't last there too long together. I guess one day I just had enough. I had just turned 30, and that seemed old at the time. I felt like it was swim or die. I went to stay with a friend, who encouraged me to make a decision. Maybe that was the wrong advice, but I took it. I went home and told Thomas I was moving out. I got my stuff together and moved to my friend's farm. I told Thomas that we should be friends, keep our business together, so we wouldn't go broke, and try to find our true loves. I don't know if he considered me his true love. If he did, he never told me. There was never any talk of love for 8 years. I guess I wanted love in my life.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
On the surface we got along great. Everything was just fine. But on a deeper level things were eating at me. The main problem was that I wanted to be with my true love. Maybe Thomas was him, and we just never acknowledged it. He was more like my best friend. I guess I didn't feel like that was enough. I wanted romance, love and passion, all of which was lacking in our relationship. The crazy thing is, we never even really talked about it at all. We were just together, from the start, and that was that.
Also, there was the issue of children. We had that abortion. Thomas kept indicating that he really wanted to have a baby. For some reason, I didn't feel like this with him. Maybe it was the not being in love part. I didn't feel like I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, and if we had a baby, I felt like we would have to.
The other big problem was that we were always together. I mean Always. Yeah, there were parts of the day, that he would go out in the woods alone. I would spend time alone crocheting a hat. But we NEVER went anywhere without the other. NEVER. And the other problem. He drove, and I didn't even have a license. I had had one in high school, and never had a car, and let the license slip away. I never liked driving, so I just let Thomas drive. He didn't seem to mind. This was my own fault. A few times I got a learners permit, and then we would move to a different state before I got the license, and I was back at square one. Anyway, we were always together at home. Then we would go to town, and always be together there. And we worked together. What happened to me, is I was starting to lose my sense of self. I was losing my independence totally. I started becoming extremely dependent on Thomas, to the point that I was scared to go out to our car in the driveway by myself at night, and it was totally safe. I was about 30 years old now, and I felt like I was drowning in water, and the water was just below my nose. I started feeling like it was either sink or swim.
I tried to communicate this a few times, but I didn't have enough self awareness to really know what was wrong. I wanted to go places alone, but Thomas always wanted to come. He wasn't a macho, controlling guy. On the contrary, he was a sweet, gentle guy, who just wanted to be there too,having fun. Maybe if I had had more self awareness I could have handled this better than I did.
Also pot was beginning to be a problem. I was still trying to smoke pot occasionally, but most of the time it still brought back that terrible OD. It was hard because Thomas still smoked it all the time. It would make me tempted. I also didn't want him to be stoned all the time. I would try to get him to quit, but to no avail. I was outgrowing being part of the drug culture. I had experienced very detrimental side effects from using different substances, and no longer wished to be associated with them. I guess I was starting to finally grow up. So Thomas's continued involvement with this started being a big incompatibility for me.
Another problem was that even though it was so pretty where we were, I was starting to get lonely up there. We had lived there for 3 years and didn't really even know anyone there, or have any friends. I was feeling lonely for more friends and more of a social life. So we decided to look for a place, closer to Eugene.
We found a little trailor for rent about 10 miles outside of Eugene in the country side. I remember I felt an element of doubt when I picked up my mattress to move it out of the cabin, but we did it. We didn't last there too long together. I guess one day I just had enough. I had just turned 30, and that seemed old at the time. I felt like it was swim or die. I went to stay with a friend, who encouraged me to make a decision. Maybe that was the wrong advice, but I took it. I went home and told Thomas I was moving out. I got my stuff together and moved to my friend's farm. I told Thomas that we should be friends, keep our business together, so we wouldn't go broke, and try to find our true loves. I don't know if he considered me his true love. If he did, he never told me. There was never any talk of love for 8 years. I guess I wanted love in my life.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
Monday, November 15, 2010
The Oregon Cascades, Mckenzie River, and Mexico.
So we went back to the Oregon via Mexico. People in Hawaii were telling us Mexico was really cool, so we decided to check it out, before we went home. I guess we must have considered Oregon our mainland home.
So we flew to San Diego, and then ended down into Mexico. We didn't have much money, so we made it as far as Mazatlan. We spent about two weeks there, and ended north. It was a pleasant and fun time.
We went back to Eugene, to our best friend's place. Now they had another baby, and were glad to see us. They had a bigger house, and I guess we stayed with them for a while. It is kind of a blur. I think we started selling at the Saturday Market again.
I remember we needed a car. We didn't have much money. This time we needed a 150 dollar car. It was very hot and it took a long time to find a decent car. At least a decent 150 dollar car. You need a better car on the mainland, than Hawaii. On mainland America, there is actually somewhere to drive, and mountain passes. On Kauai you need something to putter around in.
We found the car. It was so ugly, it actually came in second in an ugly car contest once. It was a Dodge 330. It didn't even have a descriptive name. But it ran good. It was a 6 cylinder, standard. The guys said if we didn't buy it, they were going to run it in the demolition derby. We found out later, from running into it's previous owner, it's name was The Great Wind. Wind for short. The Great Wind turned out to be an awesome car!!
So what I remember next, is that we moved into The Great Wind. We had lived in a Station Wagon, a pick up truck and a Galaxy 500. We also had about 3 Volkswagen vans with beds in them. Now we had a 4 door sedan. Thomas took the back seat out, and put in a piece of plywood,for a bed. Our feet went into the truck. Yup, our new home was pretty funky, but we were happy.
The nest few years were really spectacular. We spent most of our time in the Cascade Mountains of Oregon. That first summer, we travelled all the watersheds, going over all the mountain passes by way of back dirt roads. We visited the entire length of the Oregon Cascades. This was all in a 150 dollar car! We saw so much incredible, untouched nature. In those days, the Cascades were yet to be discovered by the mass population. The campgrounds were all free. We spent the summer in one gorgeous spot, after another, next to the most majestic pure water, you could find. We virtually were the only ones there. Alot of these same campgrounds are now 30 dollars a night, and jammed full of RVs and noisy families. We were truly blessed, to have been able to experience all this.
After all this exploration we decide we liked the Mckenzie River Watershed the best. I would say we had a love affair with it. We started just hanging out there, going to different campgrounds and hiking trails. We camped on the main River, and then up the Northfork. We discovered the French Pete trail into the wilderness and a quiet Alpine lake. The French Pete is a rushing creek, that pours into the Northfork of the Mckenzie River.
The Mckenzie River is outside of Eugene. We would camp all week, and hike, camp, and make jewelry. Then once a week we would go down to Eugene, and go sell at the market. We would go down on Friday night, stay with our friends, go sell at the market, stay Saturday night, and then back up to the woods on Sunday. This became our pattern for a number of years.
The first winter we were back, we rented two little rooms in Eugene when it got cold. Thomas decided if we were going to be in town, he was going to find somewhere for us to make money. It was before Thanksgiving, and he took a card table and our jewelry and headed out. He came back, that evening saying that a stereo store, by the University, said he could set up in front of it, whenever he wanted. So we decided, that he would go everyday. That I would stay home and make jewelry, and he would sell. Things were going well, and now it was after Thanksgiving. He came home one day, and said that the store had another store in downtown Eugene and he could sell at it. So he started going down there for the Christmas season, and we did great! I guess Jimmy Carter was President, and the economy was ok. We made lots of money. We both worked hard but it payed off. I strung jewelry and he sold 12 hours a day, up until Christmas Eve.
So now, that was over and we were missing the woods. It isn't that cold in Oregon, so we decided to go back up, and start camping out up there. Then we thought, hey why don't we see if we can rent a place up here. We went back to Eugene , and looked in the paper. We found an ad for an affordable cabin, way up there. We were so excited, and wanted it so bad, that we drove up right then, and slept in our car in front of it all night. We got to rent it the next day. So now we had a place up the Mckenzie River.
We had plenty of money, and still had a strong spirit of adventure in us. We had gone to Mexico, but for a very short journey. So we packed our bags, and headed south. We took buses and trains from Eugene all the way to Guatemala. We were gone 2 months. We had a wonderful time, and visited many different towns. Finally we were out of the money we had allotted for the trip and came home.
We spent 3 full years up in that cabin by the Mckenzie River. We weren't right on the river, but we could walk to it. We had a quiet, simple life. I would make jewelry and go sell it every Saturday at the market, and stay with our friends. We would come home, and spend the week there, in the woods. I started crocheting wool hats, and we sold them too. Thomas started making the jewelry, and I would make the hats. Now we had two items. We got along very well. We went to Mexico a third time and it was fun. It sounds like we had an idyllic life, even to me as I write it.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
So we flew to San Diego, and then ended down into Mexico. We didn't have much money, so we made it as far as Mazatlan. We spent about two weeks there, and ended north. It was a pleasant and fun time.
We went back to Eugene, to our best friend's place. Now they had another baby, and were glad to see us. They had a bigger house, and I guess we stayed with them for a while. It is kind of a blur. I think we started selling at the Saturday Market again.
I remember we needed a car. We didn't have much money. This time we needed a 150 dollar car. It was very hot and it took a long time to find a decent car. At least a decent 150 dollar car. You need a better car on the mainland, than Hawaii. On mainland America, there is actually somewhere to drive, and mountain passes. On Kauai you need something to putter around in.
We found the car. It was so ugly, it actually came in second in an ugly car contest once. It was a Dodge 330. It didn't even have a descriptive name. But it ran good. It was a 6 cylinder, standard. The guys said if we didn't buy it, they were going to run it in the demolition derby. We found out later, from running into it's previous owner, it's name was The Great Wind. Wind for short. The Great Wind turned out to be an awesome car!!
So what I remember next, is that we moved into The Great Wind. We had lived in a Station Wagon, a pick up truck and a Galaxy 500. We also had about 3 Volkswagen vans with beds in them. Now we had a 4 door sedan. Thomas took the back seat out, and put in a piece of plywood,for a bed. Our feet went into the truck. Yup, our new home was pretty funky, but we were happy.
The nest few years were really spectacular. We spent most of our time in the Cascade Mountains of Oregon. That first summer, we travelled all the watersheds, going over all the mountain passes by way of back dirt roads. We visited the entire length of the Oregon Cascades. This was all in a 150 dollar car! We saw so much incredible, untouched nature. In those days, the Cascades were yet to be discovered by the mass population. The campgrounds were all free. We spent the summer in one gorgeous spot, after another, next to the most majestic pure water, you could find. We virtually were the only ones there. Alot of these same campgrounds are now 30 dollars a night, and jammed full of RVs and noisy families. We were truly blessed, to have been able to experience all this.
After all this exploration we decide we liked the Mckenzie River Watershed the best. I would say we had a love affair with it. We started just hanging out there, going to different campgrounds and hiking trails. We camped on the main River, and then up the Northfork. We discovered the French Pete trail into the wilderness and a quiet Alpine lake. The French Pete is a rushing creek, that pours into the Northfork of the Mckenzie River.
The Mckenzie River is outside of Eugene. We would camp all week, and hike, camp, and make jewelry. Then once a week we would go down to Eugene, and go sell at the market. We would go down on Friday night, stay with our friends, go sell at the market, stay Saturday night, and then back up to the woods on Sunday. This became our pattern for a number of years.
The first winter we were back, we rented two little rooms in Eugene when it got cold. Thomas decided if we were going to be in town, he was going to find somewhere for us to make money. It was before Thanksgiving, and he took a card table and our jewelry and headed out. He came back, that evening saying that a stereo store, by the University, said he could set up in front of it, whenever he wanted. So we decided, that he would go everyday. That I would stay home and make jewelry, and he would sell. Things were going well, and now it was after Thanksgiving. He came home one day, and said that the store had another store in downtown Eugene and he could sell at it. So he started going down there for the Christmas season, and we did great! I guess Jimmy Carter was President, and the economy was ok. We made lots of money. We both worked hard but it payed off. I strung jewelry and he sold 12 hours a day, up until Christmas Eve.
So now, that was over and we were missing the woods. It isn't that cold in Oregon, so we decided to go back up, and start camping out up there. Then we thought, hey why don't we see if we can rent a place up here. We went back to Eugene , and looked in the paper. We found an ad for an affordable cabin, way up there. We were so excited, and wanted it so bad, that we drove up right then, and slept in our car in front of it all night. We got to rent it the next day. So now we had a place up the Mckenzie River.
We had plenty of money, and still had a strong spirit of adventure in us. We had gone to Mexico, but for a very short journey. So we packed our bags, and headed south. We took buses and trains from Eugene all the way to Guatemala. We were gone 2 months. We had a wonderful time, and visited many different towns. Finally we were out of the money we had allotted for the trip and came home.
We spent 3 full years up in that cabin by the Mckenzie River. We weren't right on the river, but we could walk to it. We had a quiet, simple life. I would make jewelry and go sell it every Saturday at the market, and stay with our friends. We would come home, and spend the week there, in the woods. I started crocheting wool hats, and we sold them too. Thomas started making the jewelry, and I would make the hats. Now we had two items. We got along very well. We went to Mexico a third time and it was fun. It sounds like we had an idyllic life, even to me as I write it.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
Back on Kauai
Our second round on Kauai was nothing like our first. It wasn't as exciting and eventful. We basically sold jewelry some more for a while. Then we rented a little place and lived there. It was a more normal kind of place in a neighborhood, and had civilized comforts. We had our friends still from before, and life was quiet and simple. That was about it.
After about another 1 1/2 years, we were ready to go. The total time we were on Kauai was 3 years. 1 1/2 years, then a summer break on the mainland, and then another 1 1/2 years. We left and I never went back.
****************
Now....
It is now 35 years later. I am 58 with a 21 year old daughter. Somehow, after all this time I am going back to Kauai with my daughter. She is basically the age I was when I first went there. I am going in a few weeks. I have no idea how it will be. I can hardly believe it. It was my idea. When she said she wanted to go to a massage school somewhere warm, I suggested Kauai. I have been out of touch with the place all these years. In the last year, 2 old friends, from my time there contacted me on facebook, and made me think about it. Now beautiful Kauai seems to be calling me back. I am hopeful it will be a good experience for us both. I am very much into natural healing, and there seems to be an emphasis on that there these days. Aloha!
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
After about another 1 1/2 years, we were ready to go. The total time we were on Kauai was 3 years. 1 1/2 years, then a summer break on the mainland, and then another 1 1/2 years. We left and I never went back.
****************
Now....
It is now 35 years later. I am 58 with a 21 year old daughter. Somehow, after all this time I am going back to Kauai with my daughter. She is basically the age I was when I first went there. I am going in a few weeks. I have no idea how it will be. I can hardly believe it. It was my idea. When she said she wanted to go to a massage school somewhere warm, I suggested Kauai. I have been out of touch with the place all these years. In the last year, 2 old friends, from my time there contacted me on facebook, and made me think about it. Now beautiful Kauai seems to be calling me back. I am hopeful it will be a good experience for us both. I am very much into natural healing, and there seems to be an emphasis on that there these days. Aloha!
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
Back on the Mainland
Now we were back on the mainland. One thing I didn't mention through all of this, we had a dog. We got a dog in the cave. She wandered in one day, all bedraggled and skinny. We adopted her, and called her Shaka. She was a kind of crazy, totally sweet, golden retriever, collie mix. We brought her to the mainland with us.
So we were back in California, and we went back to Joe's, my friend from Syracuse, I came out west with. He had a wife now, and he was uptight about her not wanting us there. So he gave us a few hours to find a van, to move into. We found one that had a nice body, but it was not too mechanically sound, and we moved into it. We were in Sonoma county. We found this hippie RV park, that let us stay there for free, and started selling our jewelry everyday at the near by college. We also sold at a weekly flea market. We were trying to make enough money, to trade our van that didn't work too good, with some cash, for one that did. It worked out. The next month we get a better van, and we were on our way. We named our new Volkswagen Van Dirt.
We ended back up to Eugene, to see our friend's. They just had a new baby, and weren't that keen about us being there either. So we did what any respectable hippie would do. We went to the Rainbow Gathering. It was all the way at the bottom of New Mexico. The Gila Wilderness to be exact. It was a long but beautiful drive. We drove through parts of the desert, in our country that I have never seen again. We drove through the length of Utah, and saw all those amazing rock formations. We got to the gathering and set up camp. I feel like our experience was a chaotic mess.
First of all, it was the 4th of July, and they have this huge Om circle of thousands of people. I am in it, by myself, without Thomas, and then they say who ever wants to do a day of silence, should go up this mesa, hand in hand. So I go up, and then we sit in silent meditation for hours. That part was nice. Finally it is over and people start hugging each other. So I start hugging the guy who was next to me. Well it seemed like this totally cosmic connection, and there we are. We don't stop hugging, we keep staring into each other's eyes, and we just spend the rest of the day together. Cool, except I have Thomas, floating around there somewhere. The only thing me and this guy have said to each other is our names, because we met in silence. Finally, we go down the mountain. We still haven't said a word, but we are hand in hand in love. Finally he says something. It is " I came here with a woman, and there she is". Great he is with someone too. Then we part company and I go back to my tent, and it turns out Thomas is in there with another woman. Complicated.
Well, it goes like this. I don't see my guy for a few days. Thomas is hanging out with his gal, and ignoring me. I want to find my guy. I finally see him, the night before we are all supposed to go. We finally decide we should use language, and we speak. He wants to spend the night with me, but he has the problem of his gal, who is right there. So we decide to just hang out all together. In the morning, she wakes up early and tells me to take care of him, she is leaving. I feel like he should know, so I wake him up. He decides to go with her, but gives me his parent's phone number in Wisconsin. He leaves. I feel all in love, but I am with Thomas.
I go back to my tent, and Thomas is in there with his new gal. I am like, ok, this is over, lets just get out of here, out of this insanity, and back to our life. Thomas has a different idea. He says his new gal and her friend are coming with us, and we are giving them a ride to Durango, Colorado. I'm like great, and we all climb in our van. The two woman are in the back, and we are in the front. We are barely out of the gathering and I fall deathly ill, with what I later figured out was dysentery or something like that. Within minutes I had an extremely high fever, and felt like my head was going to blow off my body. So, I had to go lay down in the back on our bed, and now the new woman is in the front with Thomas, in my seat. Her friend was in the back with me. And we still had our dog. Then I got the runs really bad, and I was very ill. At the gathering they had a huge kitchen and everyone ate together, what ever they served. and the water I was drinking, was coming out of a rock. Something had made me extremely ill.
I was actually sick for 2 weeks. We got all the way to Durango, with the new woman and her friend. I lived in a campground alone with our dog, while Thomas was hanging out with the woman. I guess you can say, I wasn't having such a good time. Thomas was really into this woman. I couldn't say I totally blamed him, because we weren't in love. But we had been together for a few years, we were on the road, and he was my whole life. He was my home. I didn't know what to do. Thomas actually tried to get me to go to my parents house. I called them, but of course that didn't go over very well. Then, he was really grasping at straws. He made me call, my guy, I had met at the gathering, and tell him I wanted to come to Wisconsin and be with him. That phone call was actually intense, and we could still feel the connection over the phone. But he was living with his parents, and I only knew him like 2 days. Thomas was stuck with me.
We finally left Colorado, and put our life back to what was normal for us. We headed back to Eugene. It is a haze. I do remember, he couldn't forget this woman. We were back in Eugene at our best friend's house. I had somewhere to be. Thomas gave me the van and the dog, and said he had to hitchhike back to Colorado to be with her. I said ok, what is fair is fair. He left, and I started my new life alone. For one night. In the morning, Thomas was back. He had made it to Bend, Oregon and spent the night. He said he missed me and the dog too much, and came back.
The rest of the summer was just normal stuff. We might have sold at the Eugene Saturday Market our jewelry. Then it was fall and we rented a trailer on land, way out in the coast range. It was beautiful, but cold. There was ice on the ground. We were Hawaiianized. Besides that, something terrible happened. Our dog Shaka, and her puppy ate bad salmon out of the creek, and died a day apart. We buried them there on that land, and went back to Kauai.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
So we were back in California, and we went back to Joe's, my friend from Syracuse, I came out west with. He had a wife now, and he was uptight about her not wanting us there. So he gave us a few hours to find a van, to move into. We found one that had a nice body, but it was not too mechanically sound, and we moved into it. We were in Sonoma county. We found this hippie RV park, that let us stay there for free, and started selling our jewelry everyday at the near by college. We also sold at a weekly flea market. We were trying to make enough money, to trade our van that didn't work too good, with some cash, for one that did. It worked out. The next month we get a better van, and we were on our way. We named our new Volkswagen Van Dirt.
We ended back up to Eugene, to see our friend's. They just had a new baby, and weren't that keen about us being there either. So we did what any respectable hippie would do. We went to the Rainbow Gathering. It was all the way at the bottom of New Mexico. The Gila Wilderness to be exact. It was a long but beautiful drive. We drove through parts of the desert, in our country that I have never seen again. We drove through the length of Utah, and saw all those amazing rock formations. We got to the gathering and set up camp. I feel like our experience was a chaotic mess.
First of all, it was the 4th of July, and they have this huge Om circle of thousands of people. I am in it, by myself, without Thomas, and then they say who ever wants to do a day of silence, should go up this mesa, hand in hand. So I go up, and then we sit in silent meditation for hours. That part was nice. Finally it is over and people start hugging each other. So I start hugging the guy who was next to me. Well it seemed like this totally cosmic connection, and there we are. We don't stop hugging, we keep staring into each other's eyes, and we just spend the rest of the day together. Cool, except I have Thomas, floating around there somewhere. The only thing me and this guy have said to each other is our names, because we met in silence. Finally, we go down the mountain. We still haven't said a word, but we are hand in hand in love. Finally he says something. It is " I came here with a woman, and there she is". Great he is with someone too. Then we part company and I go back to my tent, and it turns out Thomas is in there with another woman. Complicated.
Well, it goes like this. I don't see my guy for a few days. Thomas is hanging out with his gal, and ignoring me. I want to find my guy. I finally see him, the night before we are all supposed to go. We finally decide we should use language, and we speak. He wants to spend the night with me, but he has the problem of his gal, who is right there. So we decide to just hang out all together. In the morning, she wakes up early and tells me to take care of him, she is leaving. I feel like he should know, so I wake him up. He decides to go with her, but gives me his parent's phone number in Wisconsin. He leaves. I feel all in love, but I am with Thomas.
I go back to my tent, and Thomas is in there with his new gal. I am like, ok, this is over, lets just get out of here, out of this insanity, and back to our life. Thomas has a different idea. He says his new gal and her friend are coming with us, and we are giving them a ride to Durango, Colorado. I'm like great, and we all climb in our van. The two woman are in the back, and we are in the front. We are barely out of the gathering and I fall deathly ill, with what I later figured out was dysentery or something like that. Within minutes I had an extremely high fever, and felt like my head was going to blow off my body. So, I had to go lay down in the back on our bed, and now the new woman is in the front with Thomas, in my seat. Her friend was in the back with me. And we still had our dog. Then I got the runs really bad, and I was very ill. At the gathering they had a huge kitchen and everyone ate together, what ever they served. and the water I was drinking, was coming out of a rock. Something had made me extremely ill.
I was actually sick for 2 weeks. We got all the way to Durango, with the new woman and her friend. I lived in a campground alone with our dog, while Thomas was hanging out with the woman. I guess you can say, I wasn't having such a good time. Thomas was really into this woman. I couldn't say I totally blamed him, because we weren't in love. But we had been together for a few years, we were on the road, and he was my whole life. He was my home. I didn't know what to do. Thomas actually tried to get me to go to my parents house. I called them, but of course that didn't go over very well. Then, he was really grasping at straws. He made me call, my guy, I had met at the gathering, and tell him I wanted to come to Wisconsin and be with him. That phone call was actually intense, and we could still feel the connection over the phone. But he was living with his parents, and I only knew him like 2 days. Thomas was stuck with me.
We finally left Colorado, and put our life back to what was normal for us. We headed back to Eugene. It is a haze. I do remember, he couldn't forget this woman. We were back in Eugene at our best friend's house. I had somewhere to be. Thomas gave me the van and the dog, and said he had to hitchhike back to Colorado to be with her. I said ok, what is fair is fair. He left, and I started my new life alone. For one night. In the morning, Thomas was back. He had made it to Bend, Oregon and spent the night. He said he missed me and the dog too much, and came back.
The rest of the summer was just normal stuff. We might have sold at the Eugene Saturday Market our jewelry. Then it was fall and we rented a trailer on land, way out in the coast range. It was beautiful, but cold. There was ice on the ground. We were Hawaiianized. Besides that, something terrible happened. Our dog Shaka, and her puppy ate bad salmon out of the creek, and died a day apart. We buried them there on that land, and went back to Kauai.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
My Abortion
When a person writes something like this, there is always the question of what to write and how personal to get. I have decided to try to not get too personal about other people's lives, or intimate dynamics between me and them. I feel like this is gossip. But then there is the issue, of how much I should reveal about my own life. I don't want to reveal things that may hurt my friends and family, by saying too much about myself. This is true, especially in regards to my daughter. I have decided that if something seems socially relevant, and I can help others by revealing touchy, personal subjects in my own life, I will do so, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. Thus, we have come upon the subject of my abortion. This is definitely, by far, one of the most delicate subjects of my life.
I got accidentally pregnant when I was living in the cave. I was 23 at the time, and the year was 1975. I guess abortion was legal for 2 years. I didn't know much about it.
I was a naive kid (still). I was in a relationship that was alright, but never was defined in anyway. Like I said before I just sort of fell into it, and wasn't ready for it. I still wasn't. I was just in it. I wouldn't say Thomas and I were ever in love. It was never said or mentioned, not ever. It was more like we were best friends. We were just together. And now I was pregnant, living in a cave.
I wasn't sure what to do. We talked about it, and he said, I should decide since it was my body. He was 22. I think for a little while, we actually thought about having the baby. We went house hunting, and I remember we told the guys who were showing us the place, I was pregnant. They didn't rent us the place. We were confused kids really. I wasn't close with my parents, and I didn't have anyone to confide in. I heard about abortion, and it seemed like everyone was getting one. It didn't seem like a very heavy thing to do. People were treating it like it was just another form of birth control.
One thing I did know was that I wasn't in love with Thomas, and I felt that if I had the baby, I would have to spend the rest of my life with him. I didn't really want to do this. That is why I chose to have an abortion.
When I was still pregnant, I got a bad boil on my hand. Some one told me to pop it. Bad advice. It spread to a terrible staff infection all over my body. This made things more complicated. I went to a doctor who did abortions. He gave me antibiotics for the staff and scheduled an appointment for the abortion. He never tried to discuss the decision I was making with me or Thomas. In retrospect,I think that this was totally wrong. At the time, what did I know.
The staff infection cleared up, and I went in. They had to send a second doctor in, right before the operation, to make sure I was pregnant. That was the law. This doctor tried to talk to me. He said, are you sure you don't want to keep this baby. I was going to go into surgery in a few minutes. Plus I had taken all those antibiotics. Even so, this made me reconsider. But I had no time. I had like 10 minutes. How I wish the first doctor would had asked me this. It should have been a law. So, I went through with the abortion.
I was 8 weeks pregnant at the time. I was given an D&C abortion. I knew nothing about anything. I was young and naive.
Something must have gone wrong. I was kept in the hospital for 3 days and was given 4 pints of blood. At the time, I thought that was just what they do. Looking back, as a mature adult, I think something must have gone wrong, to have had to receive all that blood. Nothing was ever discussed with me or Thomas. Finally I got to leave the hospital.
Next what happened is all of a sudden we got really poor. I mean we didn't even have any food. One bag of millet, that is all. We moved in with some people, and were accused of being thieves. This kind of thing never happened to me. We got kicked out. I personally think it was God, not very happy with my actions.
We made it through that. The next months are kind of a blur. We sold our jewelry I guess, and then got the apartment at Poipu. It just felt like life was going kind of sour. We were getting discontent on Kauai, kind of bored, and decided to go back to the mainland. It was spring, and right around the time when our baby should have been born. We got on the plane, and then when I was walking down the aisle, is when it hit me. I could feel the spirit of my baby with me. I could feel my baby, I didn't have, like I was holding it on my hip, boarding the plane. That is when I knew I had made the biggest mistake of my life.
When we got to the mainland, we went to see our best friends. That made it even harder, because they just had a baby. We could of had our kids together, and it was a constant reminder of the mistake we had made.
There were times after this, that Thomas and I would cry together for our baby we didn't have, and the mistake we made. Also, whatever happened to me in that operation, that made me have to get so much blood, I think caused me reproductive problems. My periods started getting irregular, and I think I did have a few very early miscarriages, after that. That first baby, was in there solid. Nothing could have shook that one lose. I think they botched my uterus up somehow, and it made me be prone to miscarriages. When I finally had my daughter, many years later, it took 11 months to conceive, and I almost lost her at 8 weeks. Then I went into premature labor 10 weeks early, and had to sit in bed. I lasted 5 weeks, and had her 5 weeks early. My placenta wouldn't come out, and I almost died. It was partially adhered to the uterine wall, and the doctor thought it was probably from old scar tissue from that abortion. Needless to say, I am not an advocate of abortion. If you do not want a baby, there are lots of loving couples who do.
I believe God is a God of forgiveness. God knows my heart and that of Thomas'. He knows how we grieved and were sorry for what we ignorantly did. I believe that God has forgiven us for our foolish act of naive youth.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
I got accidentally pregnant when I was living in the cave. I was 23 at the time, and the year was 1975. I guess abortion was legal for 2 years. I didn't know much about it.
I was a naive kid (still). I was in a relationship that was alright, but never was defined in anyway. Like I said before I just sort of fell into it, and wasn't ready for it. I still wasn't. I was just in it. I wouldn't say Thomas and I were ever in love. It was never said or mentioned, not ever. It was more like we were best friends. We were just together. And now I was pregnant, living in a cave.
I wasn't sure what to do. We talked about it, and he said, I should decide since it was my body. He was 22. I think for a little while, we actually thought about having the baby. We went house hunting, and I remember we told the guys who were showing us the place, I was pregnant. They didn't rent us the place. We were confused kids really. I wasn't close with my parents, and I didn't have anyone to confide in. I heard about abortion, and it seemed like everyone was getting one. It didn't seem like a very heavy thing to do. People were treating it like it was just another form of birth control.
One thing I did know was that I wasn't in love with Thomas, and I felt that if I had the baby, I would have to spend the rest of my life with him. I didn't really want to do this. That is why I chose to have an abortion.
When I was still pregnant, I got a bad boil on my hand. Some one told me to pop it. Bad advice. It spread to a terrible staff infection all over my body. This made things more complicated. I went to a doctor who did abortions. He gave me antibiotics for the staff and scheduled an appointment for the abortion. He never tried to discuss the decision I was making with me or Thomas. In retrospect,I think that this was totally wrong. At the time, what did I know.
The staff infection cleared up, and I went in. They had to send a second doctor in, right before the operation, to make sure I was pregnant. That was the law. This doctor tried to talk to me. He said, are you sure you don't want to keep this baby. I was going to go into surgery in a few minutes. Plus I had taken all those antibiotics. Even so, this made me reconsider. But I had no time. I had like 10 minutes. How I wish the first doctor would had asked me this. It should have been a law. So, I went through with the abortion.
I was 8 weeks pregnant at the time. I was given an D&C abortion. I knew nothing about anything. I was young and naive.
Something must have gone wrong. I was kept in the hospital for 3 days and was given 4 pints of blood. At the time, I thought that was just what they do. Looking back, as a mature adult, I think something must have gone wrong, to have had to receive all that blood. Nothing was ever discussed with me or Thomas. Finally I got to leave the hospital.
Next what happened is all of a sudden we got really poor. I mean we didn't even have any food. One bag of millet, that is all. We moved in with some people, and were accused of being thieves. This kind of thing never happened to me. We got kicked out. I personally think it was God, not very happy with my actions.
We made it through that. The next months are kind of a blur. We sold our jewelry I guess, and then got the apartment at Poipu. It just felt like life was going kind of sour. We were getting discontent on Kauai, kind of bored, and decided to go back to the mainland. It was spring, and right around the time when our baby should have been born. We got on the plane, and then when I was walking down the aisle, is when it hit me. I could feel the spirit of my baby with me. I could feel my baby, I didn't have, like I was holding it on my hip, boarding the plane. That is when I knew I had made the biggest mistake of my life.
When we got to the mainland, we went to see our best friends. That made it even harder, because they just had a baby. We could of had our kids together, and it was a constant reminder of the mistake we had made.
There were times after this, that Thomas and I would cry together for our baby we didn't have, and the mistake we made. Also, whatever happened to me in that operation, that made me have to get so much blood, I think caused me reproductive problems. My periods started getting irregular, and I think I did have a few very early miscarriages, after that. That first baby, was in there solid. Nothing could have shook that one lose. I think they botched my uterus up somehow, and it made me be prone to miscarriages. When I finally had my daughter, many years later, it took 11 months to conceive, and I almost lost her at 8 weeks. Then I went into premature labor 10 weeks early, and had to sit in bed. I lasted 5 weeks, and had her 5 weeks early. My placenta wouldn't come out, and I almost died. It was partially adhered to the uterine wall, and the doctor thought it was probably from old scar tissue from that abortion. Needless to say, I am not an advocate of abortion. If you do not want a baby, there are lots of loving couples who do.
I believe God is a God of forgiveness. God knows my heart and that of Thomas'. He knows how we grieved and were sorry for what we ignorantly did. I believe that God has forgiven us for our foolish act of naive youth.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
We Start Selling Jewelry and Live in a Cave
Every once and a while, Thomas and I would go to the north shore of Kauai, to check in with JR and the status of my necklaces. We had been hanging out the whole time on the Kapaa side of the island.
We would go to the dry cave, and there would be JR, always sitting there at his table and selling and stringing jewelry. There were a few other vendors there too, who sold everyday. The cave is this huge, deep, dry cave, that is across the road from a beautiful beach park, Haena Beach Park. Tourists would stop and look at the cave, and then of course, they would look at the jewelry.
Now money still wasn't much of an issue with us. I seemed to be on endless unemployment. But we would just go and check in, every once in a while for the heck of it. No one was buying my necklaces. I guess they were just too hippie organic for the general population. One day JR asks us, if we want to make some money, selling his jewelry for him, while he sits in his car and strings. He will pay us. We say sure. So we start hanging out on the north shore which is the most lush and beautiful anyway. We are selling and JR is stringing.
Every week a wholesaler comes and opens up his trunk and has the most amazing beads. He has strands of shells, corals, jades. He has beads, that are outlawed and not harvested anymore. He has Mediterranean Red Coral and Angel Skin Coral. He has nice beads. He is also a nice guy. One day Thomas and I say, why don't I buy some beads from this guy, and I make necklaces from them. These are the beads people like, not the Jobs Tears. I figure I can make necklaces just as good as JR and the others.
So the next time the wholesaler comes, we make our big purchase. We buy 7 dollars worth of beads, and that was a big deal. It was also the true beginning of my jewelry business, I still have to this day.
I made a few necklaces on JR's table, and they sold! So the next week, we buy a little more. I make them up and they sell. So the next week a little more. Soon we decide to have our own table, so we stop selling for JR and start selling my work. We became regulars down there selling everyday at the dry cave.
We were becoming true cave people. Because besides this, we ended up LIVING in a cave for 7 months. The cave we sold at, was part of a mountain rock formation, that continued a few miles, until the road on the north side of the island actually ended at the ocean and what is called the Na Pali Coast. The Na Pali Coast is cliffs pressed against the ocean. There is a trail you can walk for 12 miles, and then that even ends. You can not go all the way around Kauai by land. It becomes too treacherous.
So, about a mile or so, from the end of the road was a mountain called Buddah Mountain. It looks like a pyramid. Under it there is a cave that is like a ledge. People used that place to live in. It had a bamboo bed built in it, and a drip to gather wash water. There was a lovely stand of Hau Trees that rustled with the wind. You could hear the ocean echoing against the walls of the cave. It was vacant, so we moved in.
Across the road was another hippie commune called Taylor's Camp. It was right on the ocean. Elizabeth Taylor's brother owned the land, and were letting people live there. There were handmade houses. We never really got very involved with Taylor's Camp. We got more involved with selling our jewelry at the dry cave.
So we lived in our cave, and sold at the other cave for quite a while. But then everything changed, as it always does. We were living in our cave when they closed down Taylor's Camp. The state somehow did it. It was famous enough to make the National Geographic. They were burning it, and people were vandalizing it, and we didn't feel safe across the road, with all that going on so we left. Then they closed down us selling. This is how that happened.
There was another place on the other side of the island, The Spouting Horn. It was a big tourist attraction. There were alot of vendors selling jewelry there. There were people of more Hawaiian descent, making unbelievable gorgeous necklaces. They were more like leis, very long and many strands of expensive beads. There was a lot of in fighting among the vendors over the best spots to sell. Finally, the fighting got so bad, somebody called the cops. This drew attention to the vendors and the county figured out people weren't paying their taxes. They shut them down, and we were just thrown in to the pot. So that was the end of that. But not totally.
Remember JR?? He was kind of like our jewelry guru. He tells us we aren't done. We just have to walk the beach now, that is all. So, he takes us to another part of the island, and we start walking the tourist beach everyday, selling necklaces. He starts at one end, we start at the other and meet in the middle. It worked pretty good. It was actually not allowed, but no one ever caught us. We made way more money in way less time doing that.
Eventually Thomas and I rented an apartment to get rid of the head lice. This whole time we were struggling we it. We got a place on the Poipu side. Thomas found a spot in the mornings, where tourists would walk from one hotel to the other. He would go out and set up for an hour or so. He did great. That was better than the dry cave too. But I will always have happy, fond memories of selling at the Haena Dry Cave.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
We would go to the dry cave, and there would be JR, always sitting there at his table and selling and stringing jewelry. There were a few other vendors there too, who sold everyday. The cave is this huge, deep, dry cave, that is across the road from a beautiful beach park, Haena Beach Park. Tourists would stop and look at the cave, and then of course, they would look at the jewelry.
Now money still wasn't much of an issue with us. I seemed to be on endless unemployment. But we would just go and check in, every once in a while for the heck of it. No one was buying my necklaces. I guess they were just too hippie organic for the general population. One day JR asks us, if we want to make some money, selling his jewelry for him, while he sits in his car and strings. He will pay us. We say sure. So we start hanging out on the north shore which is the most lush and beautiful anyway. We are selling and JR is stringing.
Every week a wholesaler comes and opens up his trunk and has the most amazing beads. He has strands of shells, corals, jades. He has beads, that are outlawed and not harvested anymore. He has Mediterranean Red Coral and Angel Skin Coral. He has nice beads. He is also a nice guy. One day Thomas and I say, why don't I buy some beads from this guy, and I make necklaces from them. These are the beads people like, not the Jobs Tears. I figure I can make necklaces just as good as JR and the others.
So the next time the wholesaler comes, we make our big purchase. We buy 7 dollars worth of beads, and that was a big deal. It was also the true beginning of my jewelry business, I still have to this day.
I made a few necklaces on JR's table, and they sold! So the next week, we buy a little more. I make them up and they sell. So the next week a little more. Soon we decide to have our own table, so we stop selling for JR and start selling my work. We became regulars down there selling everyday at the dry cave.
We were becoming true cave people. Because besides this, we ended up LIVING in a cave for 7 months. The cave we sold at, was part of a mountain rock formation, that continued a few miles, until the road on the north side of the island actually ended at the ocean and what is called the Na Pali Coast. The Na Pali Coast is cliffs pressed against the ocean. There is a trail you can walk for 12 miles, and then that even ends. You can not go all the way around Kauai by land. It becomes too treacherous.
So, about a mile or so, from the end of the road was a mountain called Buddah Mountain. It looks like a pyramid. Under it there is a cave that is like a ledge. People used that place to live in. It had a bamboo bed built in it, and a drip to gather wash water. There was a lovely stand of Hau Trees that rustled with the wind. You could hear the ocean echoing against the walls of the cave. It was vacant, so we moved in.
Across the road was another hippie commune called Taylor's Camp. It was right on the ocean. Elizabeth Taylor's brother owned the land, and were letting people live there. There were handmade houses. We never really got very involved with Taylor's Camp. We got more involved with selling our jewelry at the dry cave.
So we lived in our cave, and sold at the other cave for quite a while. But then everything changed, as it always does. We were living in our cave when they closed down Taylor's Camp. The state somehow did it. It was famous enough to make the National Geographic. They were burning it, and people were vandalizing it, and we didn't feel safe across the road, with all that going on so we left. Then they closed down us selling. This is how that happened.
There was another place on the other side of the island, The Spouting Horn. It was a big tourist attraction. There were alot of vendors selling jewelry there. There were people of more Hawaiian descent, making unbelievable gorgeous necklaces. They were more like leis, very long and many strands of expensive beads. There was a lot of in fighting among the vendors over the best spots to sell. Finally, the fighting got so bad, somebody called the cops. This drew attention to the vendors and the county figured out people weren't paying their taxes. They shut them down, and we were just thrown in to the pot. So that was the end of that. But not totally.
Remember JR?? He was kind of like our jewelry guru. He tells us we aren't done. We just have to walk the beach now, that is all. So, he takes us to another part of the island, and we start walking the tourist beach everyday, selling necklaces. He starts at one end, we start at the other and meet in the middle. It worked pretty good. It was actually not allowed, but no one ever caught us. We made way more money in way less time doing that.
Eventually Thomas and I rented an apartment to get rid of the head lice. This whole time we were struggling we it. We got a place on the Poipu side. Thomas found a spot in the mornings, where tourists would walk from one hotel to the other. He would go out and set up for an hour or so. He did great. That was better than the dry cave too. But I will always have happy, fond memories of selling at the Haena Dry Cave.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
We leave Valley House and Live in a Car
The day came that we all got booted out of Valley House. It wasn't a surprise. We stayed till the bitter end.
We went back to the campground we first stayed out when we landed on Kauai. But you couldn't stay for ever. So the next significant occurrence happened in my life. We decided to buy a car!
We had 200 dollars. We said we are going to go buy a car today for 200 dollars. we hitchhiked to the main town, Lihue, and there was an old Filipino man, with a very funky station wagon for sale for 200 dollars. We were so naive we didn't even drive it. We said, ok, we will buy it. In retrospect, that thing was bad. We had travellers checks, and he says no, we have to go to the bank, and cash the checks. God was looking out for us. Because on the way to the bank, we pass this service station, with a much nicer station wagon, for 200 dollars. We talk to the guy, and he tells us that an old lady owned it, and just used it to go to the beauty parlor. He tells us to give it a drive.
This thing was great. It was in perfect condition. We never made it back to the old man. We bought the car on the spot, and went back to the campground a few hours later with our new station wagon!
After that, we started living in the station wagon. We started caravaning around with other people from Valley House. When they made us all leave, there was a whole bunch of us, now living in our cars around the island. What Thomas and I didn't know is that our new station wagon was going to turn into a very popular crash pad for our friends without a car. So soon, all the seats were taken. We would cruise around all day, hanging out on beaches and in parking lots and then all find somewhere to crash at night. Everyone would just camp around the car, and then pile back in in the morning. I never realized how popular it actually was, until one day a friend asked if he could hang out in our car with us. I said that there wasn't any seats, and he actually asked if there was a waiting list he could be put on!!
So that went on for a while, and it was fun. What wasn't fun was the head lice.
Remember my friend who made the marijuana fudge? Well, he decides to go rent a Christian Camp up the only mountain on Kauai. It is 1 dollar a person. He pays one dollar, and tells them it is just for himself. Then he makes it known island wide that he is having a party for the weekend there. So of course, my whole carload go.
We get there, and there are all kinds of cabins. We got there early, so we go and pick a cabin, and make up our beds,with our bedding and head to the party house. Later that night, when it is time for bed, we go to our beds, and there are strange hippies sleeping in our beds! We kick them out and go to sleep.
Well, they must have had head lice, because soon, we all have head lice. That is not good, because we are living in a tropical type place, camping out, with no showers. We are a close knit group, but a couple of us would treat ourselves for it, and then not the others. We kept passing it back and forth between us. It was awful. One time we decided to have this massive delousing party. A bunch of us rented a room at a fancy hotel, strictly just to get rid of the lice. There was around 6 of us. We decided to use kerosene. So we all take off our clothes, so one of the guys could take all our clothes to the laundromat. Then he comes back, and we say, you have to put your bathing suit in the dumpster since you aren't washing that. He wraps himself up in a towel, goes and throws his pants away, and comes back. We do our group treatment, and we want to leave. We are strictly there for the delousing. That is when we realize we have no clothes, to get back to the laundromat with. We are stranded in the hotel, clothes less. So we start looking around for something that can be clothes. We decide pillow cases. Luckily someone had a Swiss Army knife with scissors on it. We made two dresses out of two pillow cases for me and the other woman to go to the laundromat in. It was hilarious!! We went in the pillow case dresses and got all our clothes, and checked out. By the way, we still had head lice in the end. I had them for 10 months. It was awful, especially with my hair. We finally got rid of them by renting an apartment and rinsing our heads with kerosene everyday for a month. That was Thomas and I. But now I am getting ahead of my story.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
We went back to the campground we first stayed out when we landed on Kauai. But you couldn't stay for ever. So the next significant occurrence happened in my life. We decided to buy a car!
We had 200 dollars. We said we are going to go buy a car today for 200 dollars. we hitchhiked to the main town, Lihue, and there was an old Filipino man, with a very funky station wagon for sale for 200 dollars. We were so naive we didn't even drive it. We said, ok, we will buy it. In retrospect, that thing was bad. We had travellers checks, and he says no, we have to go to the bank, and cash the checks. God was looking out for us. Because on the way to the bank, we pass this service station, with a much nicer station wagon, for 200 dollars. We talk to the guy, and he tells us that an old lady owned it, and just used it to go to the beauty parlor. He tells us to give it a drive.
This thing was great. It was in perfect condition. We never made it back to the old man. We bought the car on the spot, and went back to the campground a few hours later with our new station wagon!
After that, we started living in the station wagon. We started caravaning around with other people from Valley House. When they made us all leave, there was a whole bunch of us, now living in our cars around the island. What Thomas and I didn't know is that our new station wagon was going to turn into a very popular crash pad for our friends without a car. So soon, all the seats were taken. We would cruise around all day, hanging out on beaches and in parking lots and then all find somewhere to crash at night. Everyone would just camp around the car, and then pile back in in the morning. I never realized how popular it actually was, until one day a friend asked if he could hang out in our car with us. I said that there wasn't any seats, and he actually asked if there was a waiting list he could be put on!!
So that went on for a while, and it was fun. What wasn't fun was the head lice.
Remember my friend who made the marijuana fudge? Well, he decides to go rent a Christian Camp up the only mountain on Kauai. It is 1 dollar a person. He pays one dollar, and tells them it is just for himself. Then he makes it known island wide that he is having a party for the weekend there. So of course, my whole carload go.
We get there, and there are all kinds of cabins. We got there early, so we go and pick a cabin, and make up our beds,with our bedding and head to the party house. Later that night, when it is time for bed, we go to our beds, and there are strange hippies sleeping in our beds! We kick them out and go to sleep.
Well, they must have had head lice, because soon, we all have head lice. That is not good, because we are living in a tropical type place, camping out, with no showers. We are a close knit group, but a couple of us would treat ourselves for it, and then not the others. We kept passing it back and forth between us. It was awful. One time we decided to have this massive delousing party. A bunch of us rented a room at a fancy hotel, strictly just to get rid of the lice. There was around 6 of us. We decided to use kerosene. So we all take off our clothes, so one of the guys could take all our clothes to the laundromat. Then he comes back, and we say, you have to put your bathing suit in the dumpster since you aren't washing that. He wraps himself up in a towel, goes and throws his pants away, and comes back. We do our group treatment, and we want to leave. We are strictly there for the delousing. That is when we realize we have no clothes, to get back to the laundromat with. We are stranded in the hotel, clothes less. So we start looking around for something that can be clothes. We decide pillow cases. Luckily someone had a Swiss Army knife with scissors on it. We made two dresses out of two pillow cases for me and the other woman to go to the laundromat in. It was hilarious!! We went in the pillow case dresses and got all our clothes, and checked out. By the way, we still had head lice in the end. I had them for 10 months. It was awful, especially with my hair. We finally got rid of them by renting an apartment and rinsing our heads with kerosene everyday for a month. That was Thomas and I. But now I am getting ahead of my story.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
I Start Making Jewelry
The first summer I went out west I discovered bead stores. To me, they were the greatest thing in the world. They struck me with awe and wonder. I got some beads, and made little macrame necklaces I would give people, when they gave me rides when I was hitchhiking. Then when I was in Eugene, I made clay beads at my ceramics studio. I was hooked on beads!
At Valley House, by the creek was a plant called Jobs Tears. The seeds are these little grey, hard, oblong, things that make the perfect bead. Bead stores even sell them sometimes. You just put a needle through the middle, and you have a bead. They keep for ever too. I started picking Jobs Tears, going to Kapaa to a little bead store there and started making necklaces.
I didn't know at the time, that necklaces are a big part of the Hawaiian culture. Actually I didn't know anything about Hawaiian Culture, I was tucked back in the woods, with a bunch of American Hippies. I had a neighbor at Valley House who liked my necklaces. She told me that I should go to the north end of the island and look for her friend JR there. She says go to the big dry cave at the end of the road, and he sells jewelry there. Ask him if he will sell your necklaces for you.
I might mention here a truly amazing fact. I still didn't need much money. Valley House was free, but that wasn't the amazing fact. What is, is that I was STILL collecting unemployment from Syracuse!! I collected it the WHOLE YEAR in Oregon, and now, somehow I still qualified, and they transferred it to Hawaii! I never even had to look for work. What a different time that was!
Anyway, I didn't really need money, and I had never heard of selling jewelry before. But she told me to go, so I went. I guess Thomas and I hitch hiked there. We found JR at the dry cave, just like she said, selling jewelry. He was older than us. I showed him my jewelry, and told him my friend had sent me to him, did he want to sell it? He said sure, I gave it to him and left. They wasn't very much there. Maybe 8 pieces, not worth much. Little did I know then, that this was the beginning of my life long career of making and selling jewelry.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
At Valley House, by the creek was a plant called Jobs Tears. The seeds are these little grey, hard, oblong, things that make the perfect bead. Bead stores even sell them sometimes. You just put a needle through the middle, and you have a bead. They keep for ever too. I started picking Jobs Tears, going to Kapaa to a little bead store there and started making necklaces.
I didn't know at the time, that necklaces are a big part of the Hawaiian culture. Actually I didn't know anything about Hawaiian Culture, I was tucked back in the woods, with a bunch of American Hippies. I had a neighbor at Valley House who liked my necklaces. She told me that I should go to the north end of the island and look for her friend JR there. She says go to the big dry cave at the end of the road, and he sells jewelry there. Ask him if he will sell your necklaces for you.
I might mention here a truly amazing fact. I still didn't need much money. Valley House was free, but that wasn't the amazing fact. What is, is that I was STILL collecting unemployment from Syracuse!! I collected it the WHOLE YEAR in Oregon, and now, somehow I still qualified, and they transferred it to Hawaii! I never even had to look for work. What a different time that was!
Anyway, I didn't really need money, and I had never heard of selling jewelry before. But she told me to go, so I went. I guess Thomas and I hitch hiked there. We found JR at the dry cave, just like she said, selling jewelry. He was older than us. I showed him my jewelry, and told him my friend had sent me to him, did he want to sell it? He said sure, I gave it to him and left. They wasn't very much there. Maybe 8 pieces, not worth much. Little did I know then, that this was the beginning of my life long career of making and selling jewelry.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
More on Valley House, Natural Healing and Getting High.
I was still a Vegetarian and so was Thomas, but I didn't know much about natural healing. When we got to Valley House we met a man who was on a fruitarian diet. Of course I never heard of anything like this before. He explained that fruit was cleansing and he following Arnold Ehret's Mucusless Healing System. I had always had a lot of respiratory and congestion problems, so I was interested. I got a little fanatical, and just tried to be a fruitarian. It was too extreme for my body at the time, but in the long run, the things I learnt from it helped. It was another step in my journey of natural healing and cleansing.
Pot was still very much a part of my everyday life. Thomas and I wanted to smoke it every day. Psychedelics were too. Pot and Mushrooms were a big part of my Valley House experience. On the other side of the creek, outside of Valley House, was the enchanted forest and past there were cow pastures where magic mushrooms grew. One day a group of us took big brown shopping bags, that you get at a grocery store, and went up to the cow fields. There were so many mushrooms we filled up 2 bags, and just started eating them. I ate mushrooms until I couldn't chew. Again I DON"T RECOMMEND THIS TO ANYONE! Suddenly, everything was purple between my brain and my skull. It wasn't bad, just purple. I think it still might be, because purple is my favorite color.
Needless to say, we were all very high, and started walking back. Now we all saw why the enchanted forest was enchanted. We all saw it from a very different perspective on those mushrooms. I want to say, I think I kind of over dosed my system that day. I couldn't take mushrooms after that, without feeling weird.
I also had a very bad marijuana OD. Most people can't believe it but it is true. Thomas and I got stoned all the time. Our neighbor grew pot, and was very generous with it. So we would go down to his place to get high. One day we were heading down the hill to his place, as he and a group of people were heading up. Thomas and I were like, oh no, now we can't get stoned. But our friend says, we are going to the movies, but go down anyway. So we think, oh good, we can still get stoned.
We get to the house, and are looking for a joint. We can't find anything, but there is a tray of fudge on the table. So we say, our friend must of wanted us to eat some fudge. So we sit there, and eat 2 big squares each, and go home. A little while goes by, and I say to Thomas, I feel weird. I start feeling really weird, like I am going to die, weird. I can't really explain it, but it feels like my skin is being turned inside out. My blood was beating so hard, you could feel my veins and arteries just pumping. I can't stand being touched. I am a complete mess. I really felt like I was going to die, and I think maybe I could have for real. It was truly horrible.
In Hawaii, there are alot of misquitoes. We had a loft with a bed and a misquito net. Thomas went upstairs finally to sleep. Me, I was paralyzed there on the floor. I couldn't move, and I really couldn't talk. I remember passing out on the floor, with misquitoes all over my face.
The next day I woke up twice. It is strange, because it was usually sunny. That day was an unusally overcast day. It reflected my state. I woke up once and a friend of ours was sitting there in a chair looking at me. I felt very dehydrated, especially my brain. I tried to say water, for him to get me water, but all I could say was wa, wa. He didn't understand , freaked out, and ran away. I passed out again.
I woke up a second time and another friend was there, in the same chair looking at me. I went through the same thing. He understood and got me the water. I will always be grateful to him for that. I remember thinking that maybe I was brain damaged now, and that I had messed up the wonderful functioning body God gave me. I felt like I had Cerebral Palsy. I passed out again.
I woke up the next day. I could walk and talk, but I was very stoned. It was like I just smoked the strongest joint. I think Thomas had been in the loft this whole time. I am not sure, but he must have been passed out too. He just didn't feel like he was going to die.
Finally the next day I felt normal again. We went and talked to our neighbor and asked him what was in the fudge. He said it was made with marijuana butter, that had been cooked for hours and the dose to get really high was a small dab on your finger. I had eaten two large squares.
After that, I could never really ever smoke pot again. I would try and at least half the time it would bring back the OD. I associated smoking pot with fun, and all my friends did it, including Thomas and it was hard to quit. I would try to smoke, and I was back in the OD state. Even with that, it took me years to never, ever try to do it again. But for the most part, I didn't do it very much. The overdose affected my body in other adverse ways, that showed up years later, and I will tell that, when I get to it.
I really DO NOT RECOMMEND doing any of these stupid things that I did, with these substances. I suffered for many years with physical ailments from abusing my body in these ways. I told my daughter this, and I am telling you dear reader as well.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
Pot was still very much a part of my everyday life. Thomas and I wanted to smoke it every day. Psychedelics were too. Pot and Mushrooms were a big part of my Valley House experience. On the other side of the creek, outside of Valley House, was the enchanted forest and past there were cow pastures where magic mushrooms grew. One day a group of us took big brown shopping bags, that you get at a grocery store, and went up to the cow fields. There were so many mushrooms we filled up 2 bags, and just started eating them. I ate mushrooms until I couldn't chew. Again I DON"T RECOMMEND THIS TO ANYONE! Suddenly, everything was purple between my brain and my skull. It wasn't bad, just purple. I think it still might be, because purple is my favorite color.
Needless to say, we were all very high, and started walking back. Now we all saw why the enchanted forest was enchanted. We all saw it from a very different perspective on those mushrooms. I want to say, I think I kind of over dosed my system that day. I couldn't take mushrooms after that, without feeling weird.
I also had a very bad marijuana OD. Most people can't believe it but it is true. Thomas and I got stoned all the time. Our neighbor grew pot, and was very generous with it. So we would go down to his place to get high. One day we were heading down the hill to his place, as he and a group of people were heading up. Thomas and I were like, oh no, now we can't get stoned. But our friend says, we are going to the movies, but go down anyway. So we think, oh good, we can still get stoned.
We get to the house, and are looking for a joint. We can't find anything, but there is a tray of fudge on the table. So we say, our friend must of wanted us to eat some fudge. So we sit there, and eat 2 big squares each, and go home. A little while goes by, and I say to Thomas, I feel weird. I start feeling really weird, like I am going to die, weird. I can't really explain it, but it feels like my skin is being turned inside out. My blood was beating so hard, you could feel my veins and arteries just pumping. I can't stand being touched. I am a complete mess. I really felt like I was going to die, and I think maybe I could have for real. It was truly horrible.
In Hawaii, there are alot of misquitoes. We had a loft with a bed and a misquito net. Thomas went upstairs finally to sleep. Me, I was paralyzed there on the floor. I couldn't move, and I really couldn't talk. I remember passing out on the floor, with misquitoes all over my face.
The next day I woke up twice. It is strange, because it was usually sunny. That day was an unusally overcast day. It reflected my state. I woke up once and a friend of ours was sitting there in a chair looking at me. I felt very dehydrated, especially my brain. I tried to say water, for him to get me water, but all I could say was wa, wa. He didn't understand , freaked out, and ran away. I passed out again.
I woke up a second time and another friend was there, in the same chair looking at me. I went through the same thing. He understood and got me the water. I will always be grateful to him for that. I remember thinking that maybe I was brain damaged now, and that I had messed up the wonderful functioning body God gave me. I felt like I had Cerebral Palsy. I passed out again.
I woke up the next day. I could walk and talk, but I was very stoned. It was like I just smoked the strongest joint. I think Thomas had been in the loft this whole time. I am not sure, but he must have been passed out too. He just didn't feel like he was going to die.
Finally the next day I felt normal again. We went and talked to our neighbor and asked him what was in the fudge. He said it was made with marijuana butter, that had been cooked for hours and the dose to get really high was a small dab on your finger. I had eaten two large squares.
After that, I could never really ever smoke pot again. I would try and at least half the time it would bring back the OD. I associated smoking pot with fun, and all my friends did it, including Thomas and it was hard to quit. I would try to smoke, and I was back in the OD state. Even with that, it took me years to never, ever try to do it again. But for the most part, I didn't do it very much. The overdose affected my body in other adverse ways, that showed up years later, and I will tell that, when I get to it.
I really DO NOT RECOMMEND doing any of these stupid things that I did, with these substances. I suffered for many years with physical ailments from abusing my body in these ways. I told my daughter this, and I am telling you dear reader as well.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
Kauai
We landed in Kauai with 35 dollars left to our names. We spent the night in a beach park, and then started asking people how to get to Valley House. We didn't really know what that was or meant. We were directed to it, and we were on our way.
We arrived at Valley House. It turns out is was an abandoned millionaires estate of 80 acres, inhabited by hippies living in handmade house in the woods and trees. It was set back in a valley behind Kapaa. It was so beautiful there. No cars were allowed on the land. It was just little footpaths running through the overgrown jungle., with young naked hippies running along the footpaths. There was a creek boarding one side, with a big waterfall, and swimming hole. The rule was no one could put their house, where you could see another house, so all the houses seemed like they were alone there in this magical magnificance.
I think people had been there for about 12 years. Some were quite established with big gardens and nice houses. Everyone welcomed us, and said we could stay for free. I guess it was free for everyone. Someone showed us this little platform by the creek, and said we could stay there. We set us camp down there.
The thing that made Valley House so extraordinary was that since it had been a millionaires estate, the plant life was amazing. It was a highly landscaped affair gone wild. There was a promenade of majestic palm trees. It had all kinds of fruit trees. it had the largest Lychee Nut grove in the Untied States. And there was this place that we called the Cathedral. It was high trees, covered with ivy, and did feel like a Cathedral.
The sad news, is that everyone was leaving Valley House. everyone was basically just squatting. The land was owned by some corporation. They were trying to sell it for a million dollars. 80 acres of land. So people were starting to leave, especially the ones with kids. Thomas and I got there at the tail end, but at least we got there. One woman left and gave us her us her house. It was a hand made hippie house, set in the trees. It was an A frame. The front of the house was all windows, facing the valley, that ended at the ocean. It faced east, and every morning the sun would rise, and pink, golden light would pour in through all the windows. It was so warm, that the walls were a few feet high, and the rest was screens. We got to live there for a winter, before the cops came one day, and made everyone go. But at least I got to live there. I think I got to spend about 5 months there, maybe 7.
Here is my house at Valley House.
And here is me there, as a young hippie.
Here is a group of us there.
I would like to make mention my family actually came and visited me there. My father seemed to really like it.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
We arrived at Valley House. It turns out is was an abandoned millionaires estate of 80 acres, inhabited by hippies living in handmade house in the woods and trees. It was set back in a valley behind Kapaa. It was so beautiful there. No cars were allowed on the land. It was just little footpaths running through the overgrown jungle., with young naked hippies running along the footpaths. There was a creek boarding one side, with a big waterfall, and swimming hole. The rule was no one could put their house, where you could see another house, so all the houses seemed like they were alone there in this magical magnificance.
I think people had been there for about 12 years. Some were quite established with big gardens and nice houses. Everyone welcomed us, and said we could stay for free. I guess it was free for everyone. Someone showed us this little platform by the creek, and said we could stay there. We set us camp down there.
The thing that made Valley House so extraordinary was that since it had been a millionaires estate, the plant life was amazing. It was a highly landscaped affair gone wild. There was a promenade of majestic palm trees. It had all kinds of fruit trees. it had the largest Lychee Nut grove in the Untied States. And there was this place that we called the Cathedral. It was high trees, covered with ivy, and did feel like a Cathedral.
The sad news, is that everyone was leaving Valley House. everyone was basically just squatting. The land was owned by some corporation. They were trying to sell it for a million dollars. 80 acres of land. So people were starting to leave, especially the ones with kids. Thomas and I got there at the tail end, but at least we got there. One woman left and gave us her us her house. It was a hand made hippie house, set in the trees. It was an A frame. The front of the house was all windows, facing the valley, that ended at the ocean. It faced east, and every morning the sun would rise, and pink, golden light would pour in through all the windows. It was so warm, that the walls were a few feet high, and the rest was screens. We got to live there for a winter, before the cops came one day, and made everyone go. But at least I got to live there. I think I got to spend about 5 months there, maybe 7.
Here is my house at Valley House.
And here is me there, as a young hippie.
Here is a group of us there.
I would like to make mention my family actually came and visited me there. My father seemed to really like it.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
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