I got back to Oregon, and moved back into the same household I had left, when I got to California. I never really did spend anytime with Thomas again. That whole thing about he wanting me to come back, wasn't really true. Oh well.....
I did start doing the market again though. I decided I wasn't even going to go through competing with Thomas, I decided I wasn't going to sell jewelry, only hats. That worked out very well. I made more money than with the jewelry, enjoyed making them very much, and didn't have to deal with the emotional aggravation of competing with Thomas. I had a very successful hat season, and was financially set for the winter.
I think coming back was good in another way too. I think I needed to come back and face what I had basically run away from. Also, him telling me to come back, and then ignoring me, helped me get alot more free. I saw that the relationship was truly over, and it helped me move on.
I still was in contact with Josh. We had gotten along well, and there wasn't any animosity about me leaving. He knew I had just broken up from an 8 year relationship, and had some unresolved feelings. He had supported me going back. He was such a cool guy, especially for a 21 year old. I think he was 22 by now.
So, I started seeing Josh again, long distance for a while. He would come up and visit me for a few days, and we would talk on the phone. We did this for the winter. Finally he decided to come up to Oregon to live by me. He got his own place, we didn't live together. We were together for quite a while. A total of two years. He was a great guy, and we got along well. We even talked about getting married. I think one thing that really attracted me to Josh, that I never had with Thomas, was that Josh was a spiritual seeker, and so was I. This became a big part of our relationship. But we had one problem, the baby.
This thing with wanting a baby, just wouldn't go away. I could almost feel this baby there, just bugging me to get here. This became our issue. I wanted a baby, and he didn't. It was fair on his part. He was in his early twenties. He was a good and decent guy. He just wasn't ready for a baby. Finally Josh, went to the Rabbi. We never went to synagogue or anything, but he took it upon himself to seek out spiritual council and went to the Rabbi. I always have respected him for this.
The Rabbi told Josh to break up with me. He said he should leave me, so I could find someone to have a baby with. We stayed together a while longer, but ultimately that is what happened. He finally left me, and went back to California. I never saw him or talked to him again. A year later I got a letter from him, saying he wanted to come see me, but he still didn't want a baby. I said best to leave things where they were.
Our breakup was not devastating to me. I felt like it made sense, it was done with great care and thoughtfulness, especially for such a young man. I will always respect Josh and have the fondest memories of him as well.
Now it it years later, and we are in the computer age. I actually found Josh on the Internet, and I have had some communication with him. It was nice to hear what he was doing after all these years.
copyright 2010 © Stacey Bander. Please contact for any reuse.
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